The Vincent Family

1 Peter. a good read indeed.

2012-02-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

I have read and re-read 1 Peter during the past few months as I sit in waiting rooms, chemo chairs, and car pool lines while the salty taste of the unknown looms ever so closely the air. I retreat to 1 Peter. Oh Peter. What were you like? I can only imagine following Christ in all his humility, perfect mercy, God man emotions; it would be hard to be Peter. A man. Not God man. A sinner. Not perfect. I am eager to meet Peter one day.

Peter's pen, which often looks like one big run-on sentence (take a breath dear Peter) not only attends to my soul during this difficult season, but it challenges my ability to neglect my own needs and cast my eyes towards the needs of others. Hard. Very hard. Oh selfish heart why do you ponder so about your own desires when so clearly there are many who suffer far worse fate? My heart is new. Made alive by the blood shed on the crucifix just 30 short years prior to Peter picking up his pen to write these words. My heart is alive in Christ. Many cannot claim this union with their Savior and King.

Looking inward: As I read 1 Peter I also must view my own heart, my actions, my life. 1 Peter 1:13 says, "Gird up your minds, be sober, set your hope fully upon the grace that is coming to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct."
Where is my hope found? I have struggled with this daily. My HOPE is not found in my kids, my parents, chemo, drugs, my husband, surgery, friends... my hope MUST be found in HIS COMING! Wow. that is stinking awesome.

So read 1 Peter. Its a good read indeed.

Quick Update.

2012-02-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

Things have been busy here in the Vincent home. Kids rushing to and fro. Parents and one particular dog named jake arriving. Chemotherapy ending. LOTS of doctors appointments scheduled and dates being set for surgery.

For those interested here is my update:

Chemotherapy ended on Jan 12th which left me with a mix of emotions. It is hard to think about stopping something that you hope is killing bad cells, and while the slight new hair growth is exciting on my bald little head, I cannot help but think of other not so good things growing too! Good news is that the chemotherapy seemed to so a good job on my cancer and we are now moving on to the next phase of treatment.

The next phase involves surgery. Yuck. Yes, it is necessary to remove whats left of my cancer, take out the lymph nodes, and remove the other breast. I know... TMI!!! It is funny for people to know so much about them. Those things that feed babies and make me so much of a woman. It is even weirder to go have them photographed at a plastic surgeon with your husband present. WEIRD!! Not something I EVER thought about. It is also strange to have women show you their breasts (post reconstruction encouragement I guess!!). Yes, this has happened. It really has! (in a somewhat appropriate setting... but odd non the less). :) more on the surgery date and such later....

I have used this to my advantage on a few occasions. The cancer thing! I have to admit that! hahaha. Here is one moment of "about to loose it and I am going to pull out the cancer card!" A mean mean man cut me off while driving. Ok, I acutally cut him off but I just wasnt paying attention (while texting, holding a bottle for my seven month old with my arm twisted behind the seat, and trying to verbally calm a three year old... ) and I was so sorry that I did it. Nontheless he, in typical AZ fashion (people are scarey drivers in this state), honked his horn, road my tail, and then proceeded to swurve up next to me while passing very quickly. I looked right at him, pulled off my hair and gave a little wave. NICE!

green goodness monster smoothie.

2012-01-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

green. because it is green. very green.

goodness. because it is good for you for goodness sakes.

monster. because i have three boys. what else could it be? seriously guys.

smoothie. because you blend it. and drink the green goodness.

Here is the recipe:

handful of Kale
handful of Spinach
one banana
1/2 pear
teaspoon honey
1 cup almond milk

yum yum.

Garage sales

2012-01-16T16:25:00.001-08:00

Josh and I have been pricing furniture and have been totally shocked!! New furniture is not something I have really ever bought! Haha! Partly because I like ReAL wood, antiques, and don't like paying a lot of money for junk! We don't have the ability to run into Ethan Allen and buy our living room... So I try garage sales and such! I love doing that! My dining room table is beautiful and I found it on craigslist... Cheap! Each chair is worth about 250-300 dollars in used retail! I didn't pay anything close to that! :) I love finds!! I also attach myself to furniture. I love a history and story behind it!!

So here is our latest find! Cute and very inexpensive coffee and end tables at a garage sale!

Chemotherapy finishes today!!

2012-01-12T07:11:00.001-08:00

That's all I have to day about that!!!! Yay!!!

7 months old.

2012-01-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

This week my baby turns 7 months. He is precious as ever and starting to move! He is a constant reminder to me that God knew my year would be difficult and provided me with this sweet tempered cuddly baby boy at just the perfect time.
Here are some pictures of his birthday... June 14th 2011

'Disturb us, Lord'

2012-01-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

my friend from across the seas posted this... love, love, love.

thanks Jill K.

Disturb Us, Lord

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

by Sir Francis Drake, late 1500s

where is my trust?

2012-01-09T12:43:00.000-08:00

Where is my trust? Reality Check.

A friend reminded me today that I must put my full trust in Christ. It is clear I needed the reminder because I have been overcome with fear as I face ending chemotherapy. Who would have thought? I want it to end, but I think my hope in this drug is far greater than it really should be. It is not my rock, my shield, or my salvation. Only Christ is those things. My hope cannot be in chemo, my doctors, my husband, my surgeon. My hope must be in Christ and in Him alone. As in all things throughout our lives, we must TRUST in Him as our great Physician. He takes our dead hearts and through his mercy and love transforms them into heart that LOVE Him and seek to make Christ our King!!

Good truths in times of trouble.

2012-01-05T20:59:00.000-08:00

My mom and I were talking about this song earlier in the week and how it is filled to the brim with helpful reminders that God does not leave us! What a great promise in times of trouble. Here is the Hymn... It was written in 1676 by a name named Samuel Rodigast. Most hymns have great stories behind them and this one follows suite. Samuel wrote the words of this song for his friend who was ill. The friend later recovered and wrote the music to accompany the exhortation given to him by Samuel.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.

update on things.

2012-01-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are with one (possibly two) treatments to go! It is hard to believe four months, 7 treatments, 14 weeks have gone by. We have gotten good at knowing what days will be hard, what days I will feel great, and what days my kids need to hide from their "mommy monster!"

hahah. no seriously.

With this round of treatments on a new drug come new challenges: one tends to be the effects steroids have on my body, thus making me a "monster mommy!"

Just imagine LOTs of steroids (like I wake up in the middle of the night to take them prior to chemo) plus more pumped into my veins on chemo day, plus my hormones are who knows what these days, plus just overall stress of pain in my joints/muscles after chemo... i have my moments of just being difficult to be around! :) Thus... monster Mommy! (a term I have given myself!)

It is weird. I don't sleep for a few nights right after chemo. I am so tired and feel pain all over, but at the same time I am all hyped up on steroids. So, I get a lot of organizing done! :)

The tumor size has decreased significantly. YAY! I am eager to get this surgery underway. We still have LOTS of decisions to make in regard to surgery, but it is tentitively scheduled for mid Feb. Praying for wisdom.

Where have we been??

2012-01-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

Where have we been?...

Almost a year ago we scheduled to be gone on a vacation for two weeks over the Holidays. We had tickets purchased, plans made, and hearts eager to "get out of here!" as we had planned to see our family, the beach, and get some much needed rest; however, as life tends to surprise us, we were unable to make that trip this year. :(

So, 'where have we been?' you might be asking? At home. We have had one of the most amazing vacations of our marriage thus far. The Lord, in His remarkable goodness and perfect wisdom, allowed us to experience a wonderful vacation at home! Just the five of us. I put down my computer. Josh put down his phone. Joshua and I shared many date nights. We had family adventures & late night ice cream runs. We got to drive to church ALL TOGETHER!!! (that is a huge deal for us pastor's wives). We all five snuggled in bed together and watched cartoons in the wee hours of the morning. We read books, learned hymns, talked about Jesus's birth, took naps, played outside, watched movies, went shopping, had family fun nights...

I love my family. Joshua and I had really missed one another! I am not sure we realized how much so. We reconnected. We were still. Quiet. We stopped rushing and just enjoyed each other.

It was perfect.

Costco & Friends.

2011-12-13T21:38:00.000-08:00

My friend announced after preschool today that she was going to Costco, so I bravely decided to invite myself. We declared it a trip of necessity simply because it is the cheapest place to get an all beef hot dog the size of your leg - meaning that the kids will eat a lot and possibly take a nap. It is a sad thing that you plan events throughout your day that will wear out your wild boys and push them into a mild comma mid afternoon - but some days mothers of boys do this!! So, after filling three little boys tummies full of hot dogs and coke, we decided to try to shop. This was hilarious. (for a number of reasons...).

We had two large carts, four little boys, including my baby cutie pie. Walking ahead of my friend, who was sporting the two three-year-olds in her cart, I entered the ginormous space filled with over sized things that no one really NEEDS but can easily find a reason to NEED as they walk by with their HUGE carts! I could hear my friend Jenn try to calm the wild boys as I walked faster and pretended to not know her. (hehehe). After a few calls to get my attention I turned and replied, "I am sorry lady you must have mistaken me for someone else" - in an attempt to hide myself from her! I suddenly heard, "Hey Cari Vincent from Trinity Bible Church!!!!" That girl is as bad as me! No hiding was allowed! :) We continued to cause a scene throughout out venture...

Life is fun to experience with friends. Even life with Costco, hot dogs, and four little boys.

Thursday I have chemo with a friend who I have never met in person. I am excited to meet this new friend who was brought into my life due to our common diagnosis, some mutual friends, and our common love of Christ. I am eager to deepen our friendship and thankful God has put her in my life even during these difficult circumstances. :)

Praise God for little things like new friends. :)

update on treatment.

2011-12-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

Update on treatment:
This week I enter my 6th round of chemotherapy, which is the 12th week of treatments. I will have two remaining treatments and we are praying that God uses this horrible medicine to clear my body of those awful overly active cancer cells. The tumor is remarkably smaller (from ultra sound as well as my own documentation). Praise God for little things like this that help us see these miserable treatments are working in some way!

The new drug, which I started two weeks ago, is different. Harder in some ways and easier in others. Upon approaching the third day post treatment I find that the pain level is close to intolerable. It literally puts me in bed. On the plus side, I do not have as much fatigue and yucky feelings! :)

I meet with a number of doctors in the coming weeks to discus surgery and radiation! Please pray for wise decisions and excellent doctors.

Love this song.

2011-12-10T15:17:00.001-08:00

Picture update

2011-12-10T14:55:00.001-08:00

Here are a few pictures of our week!

Awful.

2011-11-21T18:11:00.001-08:00

So the past two day have been the worst "feeling" of my journey! I long to feel better! I cannot describe it better than achey flu type feeling. I just been in bed!! Yuck!!! I am thankful for Josh being able to be home today and tomorrow.

Thanksgiving program, chemo, & cute kids!

2011-11-18T15:43:00.001-08:00

Finished four rounds of chemo, which means my drug cocktail will change and I am 1/2 way finished with this chemotherapy 16 week program! Lots more "junk" to go but kind of feels good to be getting off one drug and on to another. I was joined by my friend Natalie and had a great lunch following!!

Benjamin had a thanks giving program at school! We almost all made it but Johnny threw up in the car on the way there... Yuck! Benjamin was so so cute with his class singing sings and dancing! :) we had a feast of yummy food met other families and so enjoyed our morning!!! :)

That baby jack is so precious! So happy! Such a sweet perfectly planned surprised!

count it all joy.

2011-11-17T15:56:00.001-08:00

I found this on the GIRL TALK blog. Thanks ladies, I found this so helpful.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3

To "count it all joy" doesn't mean we will always feel happy in the midst of trials; but regardless of how we feel, it is a command we can and should obey. Martyn Lloyd Jones explains:

“There is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and feeling happy. The Scripture tells us that we should always rejoice [Phil. 4:4]....To rejoice is a command, yes, but there is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and being happy. You cannot make yourself happy, but you can make yourself rejoice, in the sense that you will always rejoice in the Lord. Happiness is something within ourselves, rejoicing is ‘in the Lord.’ Take the fourth chapter of the Second Epistle to the Corinthians. There you will find that the great Apostle puts it all very plainly and clearly in that series of extraordinary contrasts which he makes: ‘We are troubled on every side (I don’t think he felt very happy at the moment) yet not distressed’, ‘we are perplexed (he wasn’t feeling happy at all at that point) but not in despair’, ‘persecuted but not forsaken’, ‘cast down, but not destroyed’--and so on. In other words the Apostle does not suggest a kind of happy person in a carnal sense, but he was still rejoicing."

How did I get here?: thoughts on the brevity of life.

2011-11-16T08:45:00.001-08:00

Do you ever just look at your life and say, "How did I get here?" Where did the time go?

We are changed by experiences. Some good. Some difficult. All purposed and planned out by the ONE who sees the big plan, the perfect tapestry of his WILL! :)

Shocking moments: I was changed two years ago as I sat in a tiny hotel bathroom on the phone trying not to wake my friends kids sleeping in the two hotel beds near me. I was changed as I received news that their father had died. Their FATHER, our pastor, our friend. 32 years old. That was horrible. Heart breaking. It seems like yesterday that their mother came back to the hotel a widow. I sat with her on the curb of the hotel and wept. Wept. Those babies now fatherless. Her eyes wide, sad, tearful. Mine as well. I was changed as I saw her courage, her hope in things to come, her dependence on God's sovereign goodness.

It seems like yesterday that I talked to my friend Sheri as she told me her mother died suddenly, and then a few years later as we cried over her own cancer diagnosis and marriage separation. It seems like yesterday that we were 20 years old staying up all night singing stupid songs and dreaming about our future. It seems like yesterday that she went to be with the Lord.

It seems like Yesterday...

Happy moments: It seems like yesterday I was a Jr. in high school missing the homecoming court because my friend and I got trapped in the snow (OK, Elizabeth does drive really SLOW in the snow... you know you do!) while everyone waited for me to show up (because I was on the court!). That was embarrassing. It seems like yesterday that I was concerned about my golf score (which was rather good most of the time), horse competitions (I had the most wonderfully spirited Arabian horse on the planet), and wearing those bun huggers at the volleyball game (why? did our coach make us wear them??)!

It seems like yesterday that met a handsome boy with dark hair and fell in love.Then we married four months later... what a wonderful adventure we have already had!! :)

It seems like yesterday I had my first patient as an occupational therapist and I knew right away I LOVE MY JOB!!! :)

It seems like yesterday Joshua and I closed the door to our white Ford in shock that we were responsible for a new little boy - Benjamin. That was scary.

It seems like yesterday that I was 4 years old meeting my bestest friend Amy in preschool. We cared about swings, cow food, and playing down by the river. Our worries were simple. If any at all.

Brevity of LIFE:
When you have cancer you just can't help thinking about the brevity of life. In some ways it is a blessing. My attitude is changed. My heart is more alert to important things in life. Things like Salvation. Things like my kids hearts and not just their behavior. Things like holding my husband's hand a little longer. Things like showing grace to one another. LOTS of Grace.

Friend, I hope you too think on the brevity of life. God is good to give us today. What a joy today is!!!!! May you find hope in his GOODNESS. Please check out this website below: Two Ways to Live. It is a wonderful story of how good our God is, how his mercies are endless, and how you can find HOPE in His promises!

TWO WAYS TO LIVE

Ninja turkey

2011-11-15T15:13:00.001-08:00

Love.

2011-11-12T18:19:00.001-08:00

I love cooking. This is a new thing for me - not the process of cooking, but the love of cooking. I love watching cooking shows and reading recipes in magazines and cookbooks. I haven't done huge amount of it lately, but when I do I am always eager to try new recipes!

My amazing church family, Trinity Bible Church, along with two other local churches, Sovereign Grace Gilbert & Grace Church, have provided us with meals for the past 6 weeks. THREE times a week!!!! Praise God for this - it has been a HUGE blessing! :)

I have to share this recipe. It was given to our family in a "freezer meal" lot - another great idea for families because we simply pull out a meal any time and eat it! No thinking or prep needed! THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE CONTRIBUTED!! We loved this so much that I just had to share it. Great for a cool evening. My kids gobbled it up too!!

Cheese Tortellini Soup with Cannellini, Kielbasa, and Kale
2 tablespoons olive oil
12 ounces fully cooked smoked kielbasa sausage, thinly sliced
1 onion, chopped
1 cup chopped fresh fennel bulb
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
10 cups canned low-salt chicken broth
4 cups chopped kale (1/2 bunch)
1 15-ounce can cannellini (white kidney beans), rinsed, drained
1 9-ounce package cheese tortellini

1 cup grated Asiago cheese* or Parmesan cheese

Heat oil in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Add next 6 ingredients and sauté until vegetables are soft and kielbasa is brown, about 12 minutes. Add broth and bring to boil. Stir in kale and cannellini. Reduce heat to low and simmer until kale is wilted, about 4 minutes. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cool slightly; cover and refrigerate. Bring to simmer before continuing.) Add tortellini to soup. Simmer until pasta is just tender but still firm to bite, about 5 minutes.

Ladle soup into bowls. Serve, passing cheese separately.

* Available at Italian markets, specialty foods stores and some supermarkets.

Bon Appétit
February 2002

Life

2011-11-11T09:26:00.001-08:00

Life has just been busy. No time for blogging this week! Jill & Rick have been in town and the boys have been wild with their cousin Brandt! He is super cute. Thankful for Family!

Benjamin's family school project this month was to disguise Tom the turkey. He needs to hide so he doesn't end up on our dinner plate for thanksgiving! :) so we disguised him as a ninja, hiding behind a fence, with a sign that reads: "turkey for sale (which is crossed out)." written next to it: "beware of ninja!" Thankful for Family FUN Projects!!!

Benjamin also decided to place a candy bar in the rocks to see how fast the ants would eat chocolate!! Pic below. Thankful for his beautiful, curious mind!

Sat and sun the men spent working on our tree house. Soooo cute. Sooo able and willing to send us to the ER! Ah!!! Thankful for really awesome dads & our new neighbor who happens to be an ER doctor!! (poor guy, we have already run his door bell twice!!)

Speaking of the ER... Brandt decided to play under the guest room bed and devour a small yummy looking pill! Oh yes. He spit some out but we quickly realized by his stumbling gate and lack of communication that we needed to seek help. All ended up ok after a few hours in the ER! Goodness!!! Thankful for nephews (even booger ones that eat random things on the floor)!

Yesterday was hilarious. Kind of. OK not really hilarious! A small scratch on my finger suddenly developed into an angry wound!!! Like the red creeping down my hand kind of infection. I took baby and Ben with me to the doc. Ben threw up in the garbage can while baby screamed. Aaahhhhh! Doc freaked out about infection. Called Josh to get kids. In doc offices from 9:30am to 4:30. Thankful for IV antibiotics and My nurses (who got coffee, donuts, and bagels upon today's visit)!!

21 Days of Praise: Day 1.

2011-11-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

The Lord continues to amaze me as I see His daily provisions for our family. The laughter of my children....the helpfulness and delight with which our family strives to serve one another...the church family who constantly loves us... my sweet sisters (one who is an in-law but you'd never know it) who travel far to see and help us... parents who give endlessly... I am eager to begin this month, and continue throughout it, with prayers of praise to my God - constantly checking my heart for it's thankfulness!

For today I sing this wonderful hymn of grateful praise:

For the Beauty of the Earth

by Folliot Pierpoint

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the beauty of each hour,
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon, and stars of light.

For the joy of ear and eye,
For the heart and mind’s delight,
For the mystic harmony
Linking sense to sound and sight.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild.

For Thy Church, that evermore
Lifteth holy hands above,
Offering up on every shore
Her pure sacrifice of love.

For the martyrs’ crown of light,
For Thy prophets’ eagle eye,
For Thy bold confessors’ might,
For the lips of infancy.

For Thy virgins’ robes of snow,
For Thy maiden mother mild,
For Thyself, with hearts aglow,
Jesu, Victim undefiled.

For each perfect gift of Thine,
To our race so freely given,
Graces human and divine,
Flowers of earth and buds of Heaven.

Johnny: I am thankful for my shoes that mommy cleaned.

Benjamin: Daddy taking me to school and picking me up from Violin today.

Chemo Monday

2011-10-31T12:26:00.001-07:00

Here is a glimpse of the view from my chemo chair! This morning when we were beginning the iv push of the red devil it sprayed out!!! Oh my. So thankful the nurse and I did not get it on our skin!!! Biohazard cleanup needed though... All I could think was... "That stuff is going in my body???"

A Mighty Fortress is our God.

2011-10-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

This is our family Hymn for the month of October. We have only gotten that first verse memorized, but I so enjoy hearing the kids singing it randomly throughout the day!

A Mighty Fortress is our God
by Martin Luther

A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;
Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing:
For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great, and, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;
Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:
Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.

And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us:
The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.

That word above all earthly powers, no thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him Who with us sideth:
Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.

Hair.

2011-10-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

My thoughts have changed regarding my hair. Benjamin and I visited his school yesterday for violin lessons and upon his approval i just wore my hat. The small number of children who were at school took quite a bit of notice to me! They were shocked and stared and whispered. I am not sure benjamin noticed, but I have decided to go with my wig for school functions, church, and other outings simply for the comfort of my children and other children who look upon me. It scares them (not my own kids but other children). A good example was a little girl at church who I have befriended. Her mother died a few years ago and my heart just is so drawn to her!! She sits with me regularly and always runs up to greet me and tell me things about her life... she is precious. Wed night she was sitting next to me and asked if I tucked my hair under my hat. I exampled to her that I have to take medicine that makes my hair fall out... she was so horrified. Poor girl. I decided we need to protect these kids to some degree and one way I can do that is to simply put on my wig! :)

Others might have a different opinion and I respect that. What I have noticed is that regardless of how i feel about my baldness it frightens other people... simply because of the fact that CANCER is frightening. It is and I understand that. On the plus side not wearing a wig gives me COUNTLESS opportunities to talk to people, and I LOVE talking to people. So there will be days when I venture out with a simple head covering and no wig... and on those days I pray that GOd gives me numerous opportunities to share the gospel with people who I meet! What a great chance to minister to others!!!

At First Light.

2011-10-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

I vividly remember the slightly pungent aroma of smoke at dawn; the kind Swahili man - Joseph - carrying water with a gleaming smile wearing tires made into shoes; coming face to face with a Baboon troop petrified as it's leader approached us in warning; and I remember the sounds of the night; however, it was the light streaming across the plains at dusk that will forever capture my dreams.

The August light on the plains of East Africa is quite dramatic. Though my photographs are cherished memories of the six weeks I spent in Kenya in the summer of 2000 they only minimally represent her majesty. I fell in love with her light!!

In the Masai Mara as the sun descends slowly into the western sky you are left watching a complex dance of color and shadows. A barren, harsh land is transformed by the change in light! Gleaming rays of sun swirl across the fields, turning the once dry, monotonous grassland into swaying fields of gold. Acacia trees armed with spikes and biting ants cast angelic shadows that gracefully pirouette to and fro capturing your gaze with their movements. She takes her time at the edge of the plain.

You ache for more, knowing that the light of the sun is not only spectacular but fleeting and with it's disappearance - fear. The night approaches quickly. Darkness. And while that darkness is intriguing, it is not a place to be without light. Darkness harbors enemies. Prey flee to find shelter and safety while predators of the dark creep out to hunt. We retreat from the Savannah as well - for without light we are not safe, we are afraid.

Are you afraid? I am sometimes. Are you without Hope and Light?

The Bible is flooded with examples of how Jesus is our light:

John 12:36 "While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light."

Psa. 18:28 "For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness."

Psa. 4:6 "Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD."

Psa. 27:1 "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear; The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

Light among these beautiful creatures on the great rift valley.
This is our ornithology class.
John 8:12 "Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

John 9:5 As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

It is reassuring to know that He is our light and in Him there is no darkness at all. Oh how brilliant the light of our Savior will be when he returns. He will make everything beautiful. He will transform our harsh, spiky, dry lives into a beautiful dance. He will not descend into the West, but remain with us! Our sin is darkness. I try to teach my little one this and as I hear it I am reminded again that I must too turn from my own sinfulness, which is so pervasive in my heart. I am daily thankful for the light of the gospel in my life. It's so helpful when fighting fear to know that we have the one true Light of the world interceding before our God on His throne. I urge you to see your own sin, see it's ugliness, and turn to Jesus who forgives mercifully and will one day return as our only source of LIGHT making that ugliness oh so BEAUTIFUL!!

Watch the light tonight at dusk and remember how great your God of lights truly is! :)

update: I know you all wanted to see me bald. Well. here is it! I laugh every time I walk by a mirror because I forget I have no hair and then: WOW!!! SO FUNNY!!! (i wasn't laughing when I shaved it off, but now I can laugh). Plus it made a great GI JANE costume!

roller coaster.

2011-10-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

I feel like i am trapped on a roller coaster ride. With lots of up and down and scarey drops. Sometimes it has a wonderful view, but I tend to hold my breath for fear of what is next. that is the truth.

Benjamin: "Mommy, I am snuggling with you because I love you and because you don't have any hair on your head!"

Johnny: "I love you Mommy." (like 100 times a day totally out of the blue)

update:
It is a strange feeling to have your hair fall out. Initially I did not think it would bother me too much, but as the process (yes, it is a process because it happens quite slowly - at least in my case) progresses I realized how difficult it really is. It started last week. I noticed my hair on everything. Then when I brushed it or ran my hand through it it would just come out. Big Clumps. By Saturday it was very thin but there was enough hair to put a hat on and look like I had hair. Today I woke up horrified by my appearance and decided to sheer it off. I figure I had clipped many horses manes back in the day and this would be a cinch! OK, it was easier on my horse!!! I didn't know how difficult it was to clip your own hair so I woke up josh very early and just said, "i need your help!" poor guy. So at 6:15am I shaved my head with my best buddy! It was horrible and funny all at the same time. :)

Later this afternoon I had to go back to the imaging center. My MRI from last week found another spot in the OTHER breast that they wanted to biopsy. UGH!!! I was very anxious all morning... I love this imaging center and the radiologist there has been fabulous - even calling me personally to check in on a few occasions! (seriously who does that??).

So, I go in today, about a month from my first visit. Now I WAS a cancer patient. I looked around at the poor ladies sitting there in their little gowns with two tiny buttons at the top. Faces filled with horror as they waited... I know those nerves - poor things. Then they see me walk in - a bald young CANCER patient and I am sure their heart just jumped into their throats. I felt bad for them seeing me. I felt so bad! But I just smiled and tried to not feel weird! What do you do??

Anyway, the good news it I did not need the biopsy. The ultra sound did not reveal anything to biopsy. YEAH! (happy for the little things these days). Test are hard. You never know what they will reveal! sigh.

I have been told a number of times that I am having everything but the kitchen sink thrown at me - in terms of treatments! I know that. I feel that. This chemo gets a bit harder with each round. 2 DOWN, 6 to GO! Come one give me the kitchen sink... i can handle that too!!!!!

So, how is your heart? (a question i learned at Third Ave Baptist Church). Some days not so good. Other days good. All days filled with peace that only He can provide. Thankful for my great Comforter!!

"Thy mercies my God are a theme of my song..."

2011-10-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

...A joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue!"

"Be hopeful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:12

Thy Mercies:

Breakfast with my family
tripping on toy cars (reminds of the gifts i have)
Jonie & Sharron at Chemotherapy
My husband
Riding bikes with my children
a very happy and pleasant baby
days when i feel great
prayer
friends
Romans 5:1-5
blanket tents
preschool open house with my 3 year old
messy houses that shout "lived in"
rocking chairs with a sleeping baby
being diagnosed with breast cancer during breast cancer awareness month
pink ribbons to remind me to pray
understanding God's sovereignty and his love for me
family worship
hymns from youth camp 15 years ago that have flooded my heart with his promises
Psalm 23
believing that hair doe not really matter
sisters
mom's and dad's who are servants and lovers of Christ.
the gospel
two stinky little kids who give big hugs
grace anew each morning

Bikes, Trikes, and cooler weather.

2011-10-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!! The weather in this desert has cooled down enough to ENJOY being outside, and this is one thing we are all very thankful for. Amidst chemo, yucky days, joyful moments, and other stuff, Joshua and I (and my mom and dad) have thoroughly participated in life with one another and three little boys. Here are some happenings in our home these days: (besides MD visits)

Joshua and the boys have been riding bikes NON STOP. Here are two videos to show off my kids abilities. :)

Benjamin's school has trousers (that was supposed to be tortoises, not trousers hahahaha). Three of them. WOW awesome is that??!!!

Benjamin is really progressing with his reading. He loves school so much. We are thankful for yet another GIFT from God is the decision to put both boys in school this year, seeing homeschooling would have been out of the question! Oh the mercies....

John William is kind and strong and lovely. He is such a darling three year old. This morning he looked at my port (place on my neck for chemo which has had a lot of bandages but now is healing) and said to me, "Oh mommy how wonderful! God is healing your boo boo! I am so glad!" He thinks of others constantly before himself and show such a hard work ethic.

Joshua (my fourth and favorite boy in the house) is doing well. This is hard on him, I am sure even more so than he would ever share with me. We are approaching 7 years of marriage!!! We said today that a private island for about two weeks is LONG over due!!!!!!!!!! :) We thought seminary was hard. amateurs.

update: I had my 2nd round of chemotherapy today. The visits are interesting as it gives me the opportunity to be still, meet awesome people, and pray (chemo days I pray for friends who are suffering from illnesses, Doctors & other medical professionals who have the opportunity to use their life as a ministry to Christ, and my own healing while the chemo is flowing). As I sat in my chair today handfuls of hair were falling out. It is strange. I went through a very sad time thinking about going bald, but that has passed and I have accepted the reality of baldness. I am ok with it. The funny (maybe not haha funny) think about my hair is that it just slowly began to fall out. I run my fingers through it and instead of it getting the tangles out - they just fall out.

I feel odd the first few days following chemotherapy. Hard to describe. I have to watch my temper with the boys because I turn into this mean mommy when fatigue and pain hit! Josh and my mom are good at spotting it and getting the kids "away" for a bit. Though I NEVER really want to be away from them! :)

Thanks for the prayers.

"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him." Nahum 1:7

The LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blesses are all who wait for him." Isaiah 30:18

Highs of my birthday - 34th.

2011-10-14T20:23:00.000-07:00

Today was my birthday. 34. ugh. 34.

In our family we started doing 'highs' and 'lows' of the day at dinner. If we happen to forget this then our children always remind us!

Here are my highs of this birthday...

Jack. Johnny. Benjamin.

They are my highs. :)

I sing this song from the Andrew Peterson Album "Slugs, Bugs, and Lullabies" to the boys everyday. Johnny loves it. Benjamin says it makes him sad because of the last line "always come home to me." He says he does not want to have to come home. He wants to be home all the time and forever. AAAAWWWWWW!!!!!

I love you today, I love you tomorrow.
I love you as deep as the sea.
I love you in joy and i love you in sorrow.
You can always come home to me.
Always come home. Always come home.
Always come home to me!

Things you should never say to a cancer patient.

2011-10-13T19:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things happen i life that leave us wordless. You what I mean. Those incidences that are so difficult or incredible that you don't have words that fit the situation. Sometimes it is best to say nothing or as little as possible.

There are also those "foot in mouth" moments that are a familiar theme in my life. In retrospect you can laugh.

Here are some of my own personal FOOT IN MOUTH moments:
Upon moving into the dorms as a transfer student in college I encountered a HUGE embarrassing moment that later because a great source of laughter and memories! My new college roommate was a wonderful girl from Chicago who traveled down to FL with her entire family (mom, dad, two brothers, two sisters). They were all moving her into the dorms so we had all been hanging out throughout the day! Sheri was short, dark skinned, & dark haired. Her siblings were about as dutch as you could find: tall, blond, fair skinned. That night we were in our bunk beds chatting when I decided to broach the subject of their apparent different looks. I said very frankly, "wow Sheri! I have seen families that look nothings alike, but you REALLY REALLY REALLY look NOTHING like your family. I mean they are tall, you are short. They are blond, you are not. They have such light skin, and you are dark skinned (AT THIS POINT I SHOULD HAVE USED MY BRAIN AND FIGURED IT OUT, RIGHT??). NOPE. I kept talking. Finally after my long dialogue of stupidity Sheri gently and quietly said, "Cari, I am adopted." silence. "oh, good night Sheri." And that my friends was the start of a very dear relationship part of which was laughter over my hilarious stupidity and uncontrolled monologue that night. (FYI: Sheri lost a battled with cancer at the young age of 31. I miss her so so much!!)

Another college "moment" was my freshman year. A few of us girls were in the dorm room hanging out. We were talking about movies and such. I started quoting the line from the totally obnoxious movie Uncle Buck. There was a lady in the movie with a HUGE hairy mole on her face. One of the other characters said to her, "why don't take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat knaw that thing off your face?!" Well i was laughing and laughing about it. Then my roommate looked at me with big eyes and I realized that one of the girls had a huge mole on her chin. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!

We have ALL done it. If you don't think you have. You are wrong. You totally have! :)

So this brings us to Things you should never say to a cancer patient... (especially a greenie just off the starting line). What they said. What I said. & What I really wanted to say!!!! (if you have said these things to me I LOVE YOU TO PIECES & just think about how much you have made me laugh in retrospect). I am not showing much grace here... just so funny!

- What they said: Well, at least it is not in your lymph nodes.
What I said: silence. smile. "Well, we are taking this one day at a time."
What I wanted to say: It is in my lymph nodes you idiot. Thanks for making me what to go ahead and hurl myself out in front of a passing truck!

- What they said: For as sick as you are you sure look good.
What I said: Thanks. That is so sweet of you!
What I wanted to say: My Hair is about to fall out; my nails will look like ridgy ridgerson & might dislodge themselves from the fingers; my skins will feel like sand; AND My boobs are about to be cut off!!! Just check in with me in a few months. :)

- What they said: I had a friend who died of that. It is ok. I am sure you will make it.
What I said: Yes. We are hopeful.
What I wanted to say: Sigh. cry. Sigh. cry a little more.

- What they said: OH CARI!!! (tears tears tears) (more wailing & weeping). silence. (more tears and crying).
What I said: silence. It is ok. We will fight this and trust in a good God. (me comforting them. strange.)
What I wanted to day: "CLICK" as I hang up the phone. :)

- What they said: Are you sure it isn't just a clogged duct?
What I said: Yes. Unfortunately we are pretty sure it is not a clogged duct.
What I wanted to say: Yes biopsies, mammograms, and ultra sounds can differentiate milk ducts from cancer.

- What they said: How did this happen?
What I said: Cancer is unpredictable and has no distinction of race, age, or gender.
What I wanted to say: Really? Maybe you should have just hugged me and said nothing.

- What they said: Whatever you do DON'T get chemotherapy! There are lots of natural ways to cure cancer.
What I said: silence. mouth open. realize mouth open and decide comment needed. "well, that is definitely something to consider."
What I wanted to say: You first.

Laughter. A very good medicine indeed.

wigs.

2011-10-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. Wig shopping is horrible. :)

Kind of funny. But kind of horrible.

The scoop.

2011-10-11T21:39:00.000-07:00

update: sorry for the long delay in posting. My energy (what there is of it) has been channeled into four boys over the past few days. Man we have had fun! The weather has been quite magnificent so we have been pouring our afternoon hours into bike rides, playing basketball in the front yard, and decorating for Fall (with scary stuff incorporated fully). This entire situation (the "C") would be much harder without my precious boys... Johnny always wants to make me a shake (SHAKEOLOGY) because he says it is "very important to make me feel better." Benjamin gives me extra kisses. Jack has no clue what is going on, which is nice. He loves me just because i am his mommy. That boy is an extra special GIFT from GOD! What perfect timing my little Jack, just perfect timing.

It is hard to know how to pray in front of my boys. We pray that God will heal me, but I worry about the tender hearts of my boys, knowing that I might NOT be healed. I might be. But I might NOT be. Oh how I want to protect their little hearts. (i pray silently: "Please God let them keep their mommy for many years but if not than please change their heart to LOVE you.). Our family devotions have been precious. The prayers sweet. The songs drenched with joyful noise to our Lord and Savior!

The Scoop on my Cancer:
Many of you may be wondering "the scoop" on my cancer. Some of you might not be. I think it is important to understand that cancer is different for everyone. Breast cancer is different for everyone. I am not a statistic and I am not going to live by the statistics. (i do not know my statics for survival at this point. i have not been staged yet either).

I have infiltrating ductal carcinoma. This accounts for over 80% of all breast cancer. I have one large mass (which brought me to the Doctor) and one small mass (found via ultrasound). I have one lymph node involved in the axially region (under the arm). I might have more than one, but at this time that is all they found on ultra-sound. A lymph node dissection will be done at the time of surgery, which will determine how many are involved (or have cancer).

The PET scan indicated that the cancer is somewhat isolated. I say somewhat because we know it is in lymph system, which means it could be "floating" around. (hence the need for chemo quickly). It is still considered metastatic breast cancer because of my lymph node involvement.

Hormone Positive. My tumor is hormone receptor positive. It is fed by estrogen & progesterone. Hence it's rapid growth during pregnancy and post pardum.

HER2 Negative: Ner2/nue is a gene that sends control signals to your cells, telling them to grow, divide, and make repairs. A healthy breast cell has 2 copies of the HER2 gene. Some kinds of breast cancer get started when a breast cell has more than 2 copies of that gene, and those copies start over-producing the HER2 protein. As a result, the affected cells grow and divide much too quickly

TREATMENT:
Chemotherapy for four months. I go in on Monday every two weeks. I feel "OK" the first two days. Day three is hard because my entire body hurts SO BAD! Nausea comes and goes, especially in the evening. I had about two days where I couldn't do much of anything. One week out my bones started hurting - really bad! My hair will fall out. Nails will get weak and weird.

Mastectomy with reconstruction will be scheduled for January. (probably would be double)

Radiation to the chest wall will follow surgery for 6 weeks. It will be everyday for 6 weeks. (UGH!!)

Plastic surgery and reconstruction will follow.

HONESTLY:
The evenings are the hardest. It is quiet. I am still. It is hard to be calm and think about TODAY without my brain jumping to tomorrow. This verse has been in my mind often. When we were in seminary our Pastor taught Matthew on Wed nights. I can still hear his voice reading this verse... over and over again. It is comforting in more ways than I can explain: Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?* And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Photo update.

2011-10-05T08:53:00.000-07:00

Waiting, assurance of what is to come...

2011-10-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

The waiting...

There are so many ways that we continue to wait. We are waiting to begin treatments, and we are waiting to know how my body will respond to those treatments, we are waiting on surgery, and we are waiting on more scans in months and years to come. It is scary. I am honestly not sure how people do this. How do they play the waiting game over and over and over...

"Well, you are doing it!" you might be thinking. Yes. I am. I do it imperfectly. Quite imperfectly. I wait with fear at times. I wait like a zombie sometimes. There are moments I find myself just walking around the house. I might look productive when in fact I am walking aimlessly around holding a diaper in one hand, a toy car in the other, and mindlessly looking for my hair brush. Dis-shoveled. Waiting.

But while I wait, sometimes patiently & sometimes rather aimlessly, I do have a great assurance of one thing... I have a heart changed by the power of the gospel. It was dead and now it is alive in him. That is a good place to find REST in those moments of wondering aimlessly. In your moments of waiting. Where do you find rest? Where does our hope come from?

Romans 5:1-6 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

1 Peter 1:3 "In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead."

My hopes does come from the fact that Christ died for the ungodly. Me. I am the ungodly. You too friend... you are the ungodly. And while I walking aimlessly around my house holding my hairbrush (because I do eventually find it - even if I don't brush my hair) I can REST, truly REST, in knowing the promises of this verse: we can rejoice in our sufferings not because we are super good, or brilliantly smart, or terribly wise, or moral, but because GOD has poured out his LOVE to us through the Holy Spirit. Christ died for me. For us. For the ungodly.

Please check out this great site that helps explain TWO WAYS TO LIVE. You either live for the KING or you live for YOURSELF and reject him as KING. Who do you live for?

update: Chemotherapy day two. I was quite ODD feeling all day. My parents thought maybe they gave me the wrong drugs because I was talkative & very busy. I did crash tonight and have felt nauseous all day in a small doses.
Kind of crappy stuff from flooding your body with drugs:
achy body.
bones hurt.
nauseous.
tired.
irritable with noise and in a house full of boys this is hard to avoid.
yucky mouth (a little bit)
hair loss (one other thing I am WAITING for... ugh)

Sweet Mercies of today:
I am a child of the King.
People are in and out of my house more often. I love that.
Test messages.
Loving notes from people.
Hair cuts in my kitchen from one of my favorite gals.
my baby jack. what a joy. his smile. his laugh. his delightful personality.
my boy Johnny. his beautiful eyes. his hugs.
my benjamin. the way he sings the doxology with his whole heart. his kisses.
family worship. oh sweet family worship. i am so glad no one can hear our horrible voices. (totally worth it even it they could).
my husband. my dearest friend. who prays with me. comforts me. and works two (make that three) jobs tirelessly. so thankful to not be walking through this alone.

Shorter hair... And a little pink!

2011-10-04T15:49:00.001-07:00

Marisa cut my hair short today and we planned a race for the cure party night at my house on Thursday! I love my friends!!!

Chemotherapy

2011-10-03T13:43:00.001-07:00

All went well today. Going to bed while kids are resting! Will write all about it later...

Ok... i am back. First I would like to explain the pictures. This first one is a chemotherapy room at my oncologists office. There are about 20 chairs scattered throughout the edges of the rather large room. One unfortunate television blaring judge Judy or some other useless daytime melodrama featuring issues which seem so irrelevant to the patients sitting there with toxins flowing into their cancer worn bodies. (you know, things like "she stole my cake off the table at work" OR "he used my cell phone too much." OR "what top celebrities are during minute by minute.") I was thankful for my ability to TUNE OUT!!! Yes those are my feet (uh oh I guess Grammy Debbie knows now that she left her shoes here and she is NOT getting them back :) sorry Grammy).

This is my SONIC lime slushy purchased by Josh on the way to chemo. It helps to keep ice cold beverages in you mouth when getting the first drug through IV push. (Red Devil). Yummy, but might go for a coffee drink next time. Josh stayed for about 30 minutes and then he left to go care for our little guys. I know he didn't want to leave me there!! This is all very hard for him. He is a champ!!!

This is me. Chemotherapy day one. The patch under my right collar bone is the port where an IV is hooked up to each week. The bandages come off in a few more days and then it will simply be a bump under my skin.

My wonderful Dad. Made breakfast for two talkative little boys... spent two hours with the boys at the park, and then came to pick me up while josh took the boys to pizza. He said that Starbucks cup was his IV... oh so true!!

Here is a verse that stuck out from my readings of 1 Peter today.

1Pet. 4:12-17 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

Sweetness of brothers.

2011-10-01T13:41:00.001-07:00

Knowing I will not be feeling great for a while, we decided to head out to the zoo (one of my favorite family things to do together!). This picture made my day...

Little Pink Ribbon, wigs & steadfastness.

2011-09-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am sure you have noticed the little pink ribbons spread all over town: they are in windows, on t-shirts, stuck to cars, on coffee mugs, & hats. Every Football game sports the lovely pink!! I am not sure I ever really paid them too much attention. Last week i felt a wave of nausea every time I ventured into a store, knowing my eyes would gaze upon those stupid little ribbons. A hurtful reminder of the unknown that now was my reality. Those were for ME! Those ribbons reminded me of how hard my life suddenly had become...

Prior to our actual diagnosis last week we were encouraged by a sweet, but inexperienced, ultra-sound tech to join "Race for the Cure." (Did I mention that this was BEFORE my actual diagnosis had been made?) I saw my husband's face turn a cool shade of white when she enthusiastically said, "YOU get to wear the pink shirt! They are for the cancer patients and survivors! I have always wanted to wear the PINK shirt!" :(

Really??

I kindly told her she could have my pink shirt (AND BALD HEAD, AND SICK STOMACH, AND FEARFUL NIGHTS, AND HEART BREAK, AND....). hint hint..."shut up because we are not ready to talk about this yet"... She did not take the hint and kept talking. I really wanted to throw up on the "race for the cure" paperwork (pink shirt and all) and run out the door crying!!!

Tear. Tear.
(on a positive note: Joshua was able to bring this tech a sermon brochure from our church... something she requested... how amazing to see things work out for God's glory even under difficult circumstances.)

This week I have a new perspective on things. After much praying, crying, praying, crying, praying, (did i mention crying?) we have a grasp on this diagnosis and I would happily support race for the cure and I might even sport a bright pink shirt!

It is a process. It is a grieving. It is a graciousness of my Lord who sustains me along the way. This is a testing of my faith like I have never experienced before and I find myself running to the ONE who gives me strength. Thankful for His faithfulness and perfect ability to help me be steadfast! Jesus alone is my strength.

I have thought often of this verse in James 1:2-4:
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

update: Today my dad and I went to the chemotherapy nurse to be educated. I am not sure I want to know that the "red devil" chemical going into my veins could burn OFF my skin if it touches me! great. let's flood my body with that fun stuff?! I am not sure I want to know that I will be bombarded by not only the "red Devil" but two other drugs. Drugs which KILL rapidly dividing cells (ie: hair, nails, cancer...) (lets focus on the cancer). :) I also got a Rx for a wig. I think I am just going to go with the bald scarf look!

So, chemotherapy starts Monday. I will be getting chemo on Mondays every other week for 16 weeks. Yes, FOUR months. Then surgery. Then radiation...

How can you pray...
Please pray that these drugs are affective at killing my cancer cells. pray that they are kind to the rest of my cells.
Please pray that my heart does not get discouraged as I face sick days, sleepless nights, and less time with my little ones.
Please pray that God heals me. Really heals my body so I can live for His Glory and raise my precious children! Oh how I worry about them. Oh how I love them so!!!

Just a hard day.

2011-09-28T21:09:00.001-07:00

Today was difficult. We met with the oncologist in the morning & though he was wonderful I totally felt the weight of what lay ahead. They sent me to the hospital to get a port for chemotherapy. Yuck! Ignorant as to what the port actually involved I was shocked when 6 hours later I left the hospital totally drugged up and sore. (i had driven myself thinking it was no big deal). Let's not even talk about the cost... Wow! :) and that is with good insurance!

Quick catch up: chemo starts Monday. Surgery will be postponed until Jan.

"God is my salvation; I will trust in Him and not be afraid: for the lord Jehovah is my strength..." Isaiah 12:2

The faces I love to see...

2011-09-27T18:42:00.001-07:00

the waiting game & god's goodness.

2011-09-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a waiting game. A horrible one. CT-PET scan done in the am & the results phone call came at 4:30pm.

We cannot doubt His goodness. (His = God's). Over the past few years we have encountered so many trials as a family and I have constantly been saddened by my own lack of ability to trust that my God is GOOD. (Watching my bestie college roommate die from ovarian cancer in a few short months, seeing another good friend die suddenly leaving two small children, moving to a foreign place in the midst of it all...) Like the connection between heart and head was frayed. It is something that I have earnestly been praying for and searching the promises of His scripture daily for.... "sigh"

Yesterday as I lay still, ever so still, in a chamber of magnets (or something), I realized that my heart truly believed and understood the fact that my God was GOOD. Of all places and moments, right? Who knew. YES friends I realized there alone in the tight circular chamber that my God wanted good for me, his child. I simply knew that God is good if this test revealed more cancer AND He is good if it revealed none. Who am I to doubt for one minute of His LOVE for me?

Praise God for His work in my heart in the most extraordinary of situations.

Yesterday we received some good news. FINALLY!!!! Dr. S called to let us know that the CT PET scan was ALL CLEAR except for the area in my left breast (including the lymph node). This was huge!! The lymph node had cancer, but that cancer had not landed anywhere yet to plant his horrible roots and take over.

"Now." said my Doctor, "we look at this is treatable." The gravity of that statement hit hard. NOW??? Ah, how I love his honesty. What a treasure to have a Doc who loves Jesus and blesses our family with phone calls, prayers, gift baskets, and honesty. Yet another mercy given to us from God.

Today we meet with two more Doctors: surgeon & oncologist.

Cancer you are going to have a fight!!!!!!!!!

My Rock and my Fortress: I have breast cancer.

2011-09-26T20:26:00.001-07:00

A week ago today I was worried about car pool lines, my hair acting like i belonged in a circus, and a cavity that had crept into my front right tooth. I was over reacting to my husband's clothes on the floor, complaining about finances & budgets, and wondering what time my kids would go to be so i could sit down.

Today I see things differently.

This has officially been the most trying week of my life.

I have breast cancer.

That is even hard to write. It is difficult to see myself as the one who has the big C. You know, that scary monster C that everyone else seems to get, but never "me." I am young. I just had a baby. I am nursing. Come on, there is just no way that big C could be me?!

Yes. I have breast cancer. (thought it might be easier to write that time. no. not really.)

At first I thought it to be unremarkable, just another lumpy bump associated with nursing. After a few days it did not go away. It did not move. It did not change. It started to give me the creeps. I knew I had cancer. I just knew it. Everyone tried to convince me otherwise as I talked with ladies or my husband about my concerns. I just knew it. I was terrified.

So last Monday I ventured to my OBGYN to have this creepy thing checked out. (kind of weird to talk about my breasts on here, but they play an important role in this entire mess). He got really quiet. I knew that wasn't good. He wrote in his little computer without making a sound. The only time I have seen Dr. Sawyer quiet was when Jack was being born in an insanely fast five minutes. He was quiet then but he was super quiet now. Finally, I confessed my totally anxiety to him. He grabbed my hands and prayed with me (yes, he is a treasure of a Doc. he loves Jesus!!).

Before I knew it I was hooked (or should I say Squished) up to a mammogram machine (hummm I wonder what those are called. i will have to find that one out). Then quietly I was taken to have an ultrasound. Before I knew it my heart hit the floor as the Radiologist, Dr. T., explained to me that she was over 75% sure this was a malignant tumor. The biopsies (yes three of them) were planned for the next day... after 24 horrible hours of waiting.... and waiting... and waiting....

I got the call.

Joshua had just left the house. It was a Thursday afternoon. Benjamin was at Violin lessons, baby was crying, and Johnny was restless. My phone rang. The first words out of the mouth of the radiologist was, "Cari, I do NOT have good news! Do you need to give your husband the baby?"

Suddenly I was a 33 year old mother and wife with cancer. Infiltrating Ductal Carsinoma. UGH. The sound of those words hurt my heart. I felt sick! Things changed.

We grieved more that night than I believe I ever have in my entire life. Our hearts felt broken, sad, lost, angry, betrayed... Not knowing what to do Joshua and I sat in bed, cried, and bowed before our King! What a sweet and bitter time that I will never forget. The only sweetness was the taste of comfort that we found in Him and His mighty promises. Oh how I love my Jesus!!!

This verse has been on my heart all week! Praise God for his word that takes my fearful sinful flesh and helps me gaze on his goodness.

Psalm 18
I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;*
the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the LORD;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.

Thy Mercy

2011-09-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

Thy Mercy

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

(Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
(Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah)

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
In the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

Well, Hallelujah
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Well, Hallelujah

Navigation: C \ Caedmon's Call \

iphone photo fun. i LOVE LOVE these boys.

2011-09-14T23:26:00.000-07:00

picture update: JLV

2011-09-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

almost three months old...

J.L.V. is loved by B.B.V.

2011-09-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Jackson Lee Vincent. born 6.14.11
Such a blessing to our home. I cannot imagine life without him! He is alert, relational, timid, strong, lean, small, sweet, smiley! He is lovable. Benjamin looked at him tonight and just couldn't stop hugging him as he said, "OH, I wish you were MY baby!!"

the boys... a few pictures.

2011-09-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

The Gritty continues... :)

2011-08-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

I recently posted about being a regular mom - not a perfect one - just one with all the "gritty" that goes along with being me! I LOVE this response from a sweet friend of mine (I will withhold her name for her own protection!! :)

I love looking at your blog every now and then, and your recent post cracked me up! I just had to share because hearing those things from another mom really just confirms that we all must be feeling that way. You are not alone:

My closet looks like a gigantic tornado ripped through and hung out for a while. (I keep the door shut!)
--Closet? We just have a collection of laundry baskets in our living room.
I threw a sheet over my kid's wet bed and patting it with a sleepy smile, "all ready baby! night night!" (ok, come one you have done that at least ONCE?!)
--Actually, no I haven’t done this one…because I haven’t gotten my kids to sleep in their own bed yet. So when this happens, it’s in our bed, and I just use a towel.
When my car door opens at the elementary school pick up line things fall out.
--The worst is an open container of crayons. At least the trash just blows away.
I cried the other day because I was just so tired.
--I didn’t cry. I just passed out on the couch and stayed that way as my daughter piled her stuffed animals on top of me.
Kindergarten makes me feel like i am back in jr high. All the other mom's totally intimidate me.
--I’m not intimidated, but that’s because I’m not even in the game. Makeup? Cute shoes? Ironed clothes? Seriously?? (P.S. I bet you intimidate THEM!)
I have more than one junk drawer. (ok, more than two)
--Junk baker’s rack proudly on display in the kitchen.
My laundry room often resembles a yard sale.
--I think our laundry room has a floor. I don’t see it much
I yelled at my little boy. (ugh, i hate that so MUCH!!)
--I yelled at my little boy. I yelled at my little girl. I yelled at my husband in front of them. Multiple times :(
I don't home school my children.
--I work outside the home. MAJOR guilt. Forever!!
I ran a red light.
--A school bus honked at me for not stopping when it did. But she didn’t have her little stop sign out!!! Sigh.
Sometimes we are all really crabby (the kids and I) on the way to church and then have to ask forgiveness before SMILING our way to Sunday School.
--We have to make multiple exits from Mass for spankings.
I cannot EVER find matching socks, shoes, or really anything that has a pair.
--My socks are black. All black. They aren’t necessarily pairs, which is why all my socks are black. And they are all in those laundry baskets.

A few things...

2011-08-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

a few books sitting on my bedside table...

"A Praying Life" by Paul E. Miller
I am still in the midst of reading this book and I have found it pulling at my soul and casting new light on my closed eyes during prayer time. He helps me see prayer as an amazing connection to my Savior and friend Jesus Christ. Awesome Book!!

"God, I Need to Talk to you About..." series by Dan Carr
My kids LOVE LOVE LOVE this series. It is really helpful especially as we enter this new season in life in the public school systems (a charter school, but really all the same) where my little one is very conscience that not everyone loves Jesus (oh that is SO HARD!!). It talks about various sin that children tend to fall into easily such as... stealing, lying, cheating, bullying... Concordia press puts it out for about 1.20 a booklet for 23.00 for a set of 20 books! Love it and recommend it!

"The Help." by Katheryn Stockett
This book is just plain FUN! I love the mingled mess of relationships, culture shifts, and hard lessons these ladies endure as they battle a very snooty and self-righteous (plus racist) culture. Fun and Entertaining. Plus, I really want to see the MOVIE!

the gritty.

2011-08-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

I have been out of the blogging "world" for a while now. Mainly because I am so busy, but also because I get so irritated with blogs sometimes (i read a lot of different blogs from mommy blogs to random blogs). Why do we do this? Write stuff and about lives for other people to read. Put things our grandparents wouldn't talk about to their best friends with the doors shut brilliantly glaring for pretty much all the world to view! We don't typically write about the junk - which is nice and somewhat appropriate because let's face it who wants to hear about everyone's problems. I have to confess though that in my recent return to reading blogs I have spent much time grieving my own abilities as a mother and homemaker. I feel like a failure!! It is really no one's fault - just like reading part of a story and not knowing all the gritty that makes up the big picture.

So for you who think you are the only moms who fail...YOU ARE NOT! Here we go...

The gritty of my Life (not all of it, just the stuff i dare actually reveal to the entire world)...

My closet looks like a gigantic tornado ripped through and hung out for a while. (I keep the door shut!)
I threw a sheet over my kid's wet bed and patting it with a sleepy smile, "all ready baby! night night!" (ok, come one you have done that at least ONCE?!)
When my car door opens at the elementary school pick up line things fall out.
I cried the other day because I was just so tired.
Kindergarten makes me feel like i am back in jr high. All the other mom's totally intimidate me.
I have more than one junk drawer. (ok, more than two)
I forgot my son at school the other day. (He was in the office when I got there letting stories about how LONG the grass is in our yard and how he needs to learn to cut it himself if he ever wants to play in the YARD! HA!)
My laundry room often resembles a yard sale.
I yelled at my little boy. (ugh, i hate that so MUCH!!)
I don't home school my children.
I ran a red light.
Sometimes we are all really crabby (the kids and I) on the way to church and then have to ask forgiveness before SMILING our way to Sunday School.
I cannot EVER find matching socks, shoes, or really anything that has a pair.

And a few good things...
I played trains with my three year old, planted seeds with the boys, and sang hymns to my infant.
My two month old smiles non stop. That must mean i smile at him! :)
I LOVE my husband. I LOVE my family. I LOVE my God.
:)

Change is good. Change is hard. Life is so dynamic.

2011-08-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

I cannot seem to catch up on this blog. :)

Two things have hit me hard this week concerning the flight of time: 1. Benjamin started Kindergarten. 2. Jack turned 2 months.

The first surprises me beyond words, as I see my sweet 5 year old bound like a young deer out the door of the mini-van and into the Kinder play area. It is hard not having him home with us in the morning - feeling my loss of influence to some degree. He loves school. God was gracious in providing us with morning Kinder and also putting a sweet girl from a Christian family in his class. He is so aware that not everyone "loves Jesus!" and I was happy to know one girl who could share in his affections for our King!

With B at school in the morning I have cherished my time alone with Johnny.
I have learned so much about Johnny in the past few days. He is tender, orderly, considerate, helpful, organized, and somewhat meticulous. He loves his toys and plays creatively with them. (one day he lined up all his toys in the hall and requested I get the play money out. He set up a pretend yard sale and had me come and buy things... love it!) He is not a complainer nor does he gripe when you ask him to help complete a task or do work. Johnny likes his time with Jack and I as well!

Jack is growing WAY TOO QUICKLY. He is definitely my laid back, sweet smiling, easy to please boy. He has stolen my heart!! LOVE LOVE LOVE him!!

Here are some pics... oh must these precious little ones grow so fast...

baby jack one month old - rewind

2011-07-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

baby jack two weeks old - rewind

2011-07-23T14:05:00.001-07:00

jack one week old - rewind!

2011-07-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

Photo update!

2011-07-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

I will write more when I have time. To update: We have had family in town for seven weeks... my house suddenly seems quiet! :( Here are a few pictures... I will fill in the past seven weeks very soon!

2011-07-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

Benjamin speaking to Johnny in his room: "Do you want to go to Alaska? ...PAUSE... "Come on Johnny keep an open mind. We might be able to see Bigfoot when we are there!!" ...silence... Johnny: "Yeah, that might be fun!"

And we are FIVE!

2011-07-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

It is interesting how well we have adjusted to life with FIVE. I love having a huggable little baby in the house & the boys even wake up wanted to kiss and hug on Jackson Lee. He is a gentle guy and really laid back!! He isn't sleeping well at night and we are trying to understand why?? But besides this we have no worries with him.... We Love Him So MUCH!!!

a few videos...

2011-06-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

Baby Jack Pictures!

2011-06-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

Jackson Lee Vincent

2011-06-21T10:34:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday at this time I was running into the Triage unit, stopping every few feet to hold onto Joshua, at out local Hospital. Praise God this labor was quick - maybe too quick!! As I entered Triage the nurser took one look at me and said - "what do you think? A Nine!!" Before I knew it we were being rushed upstairs to Labor and Delivery. A big shout in the hall way to clear the elevator. The nurse assured me that she could deliver the precious boy, as I tried to wait for my Doc to arrive.... as my Doc (thankfully he arrived) said, "wow Cari, that was fast and furious!"

20 minutes after parking the car we welcomed our little boy into this world! Oh I am in love, yet again...

Jackson Lee Vincent
born 10:48am
8lbs, 5oz
21 inches

Baby Jack is so beautiful. I promise to post pictures very very soon!

Pastor's Family Life & The Church...

2011-06-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

Yes, we live a very busy life. Mondays are treasured family days - a time in which we try to enjoy one another without too many interruptions from other things. It is the only day of the week that Joshua doesn't have to work (he works Sunday and about 8 hours on Sat evenings). People don't really understand that the life of a Pastor's family is really busy. Really Busy. I never understood until I was in the midst of it. Not really. There is minimal consistency to one's schedule. Flexibility is a must & often desired after (in my own heart) trait.

We still struggle at times to know what is best. How easy it is to fall into over-working mode and neglect your family (both for women and men). We have found a couple who have been in the ministry for 25 years, they are mentoring and counselling us through the difficulties of being in the ministry and I am eternally greatful for their counsel, encouragement, wisdom, and straight forward direction! We need all the help we can get.

One thing that is difficult for me is not to grow bitter due to the affections my husband gives the church. As a women there is a tendency to feel jealous over time spend with the members (time at work, thinking about work, or going out the door to work) that make up the local church. I alone know how much time, energy, and heart goes into the people from my husband. Each moment he gives them, takes from us. It is hard to share him. That is the honest truth. I am learning to share & he is learning to say "no I need to be with my family!" Both are tricky. Both are hard things to learn! This year has been one rocky road as we attempt to balance church and family life!

Here is our order of priorities.... we are trying, learning, and growing in this balancing act.
JESUS;SPOUSE;CHILDREN;CHURCH

One thing I have going for me personally as a pastor's wife is that I LOVE THE CHURCH! (despite the tears i have shed over her, the distance i have moved for her, the hurt i have felt by the sinners that make her up... despite all that I am thankful that God has moved my heart to love her all the more!)

I love the local church in general. I love the people at church. And people are messy. Hang on for a wild ride as you try to love people. They hurt you, they tell you crazy stories, they confide in you things you might not want to know, they make you cry, they make you laugh, they wrap their lives all around your until sometimes you have to remind yourself who is who!? but that my friend is the body of believers we are called to love. His Sheep! :) Pretty amazing that I am even a part of that flock - daily I am grateful & daily I remind myself that I am pretty messy too!!

I love the church's purpose! I feel a draw to it's preservation, it's gospel-centeredness, it's warmth. I am eager to see people respond to the preaching of the Word. To seek out discipleship from other believers as they grow and God chances hearts!

I also love going to church. Sunday's are crazy, yes! I am constantly amazed at how the evil one attempts to wreck your heart as you prepare to Worship the ONE TRUE GOD! Sunday mornings for us can often times be difficult. I loose my shoes, the boys socks, Joshua's keys, & i often times loose my temper!! (this past Sunday poor Joshua backed straight into my Van! Yes, really.)

So we continue to try to balance these things we love: church & family. I pray that our children always see that JOSHUA and I make them the priority over church, our marriage the priority over them, and Jesus the priority over our marriage. :)

are you Angry?

2011-06-12T07:21:00.001-07:00

We have been reading and talking about proverbs with the boys this summer (actually my mom had the idea and we have loved it!). I, for one, an totally convicted. Here are a few of the verses we having been talking about, acting out (you should see the boys do these things... so FUNNY and AMAZING how good they are at pretending to be angry), and trying to memorize.

"A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1

"A hot tempered man stirs up strife,
but he who is slow to anger quiets contention." Prov. 15:18

You may not have a clue that I struggle with controlling my anger. Well, I do. I have noticed the repercussions of it this year more than ever before as I attempt to mask it with other things, but it is clear that an the sound of a hot tempered man cannot easily be hidden in the burrows of one's heart. It comes out echoing on the lips through hurtful words, actions, and motives. My heart constantly needs to be checked. Do you need to check your heart? My heart - That is where I have ended up searching for the source of this ugly reactions and responses. It is the place to search - trust me. I can pin my anger on life situations: moving across the country; loniness: not having many friend in a new place; loss: loss of friends, loss of own interests, loss of expectations...Think about it... From a psychological standpoint, yes, those things can trigger anger. The grieving process includes a stage in which the individual becomes angry over their loss.

I have had my share of losses: moving, loosing a dear friend to cancer, loosing another friend to sudden death, new babies (this can be a loss of independence, transition, etc..), loss of family, loss of my own desires and interests as I put my husband and children ahead of those things! These are real things to grieve and it is ok and acceptable to grieve. It is acceptable to be angry; however, letting that anger settle in your heart and work into bitterness is a dangerous and sinful path that leads to the destruction of relationships and does great harm to your own spiritual wellness!

Think about a time when you were consumed with anger. It inhibits your ability to hear God through the scriptures. It makes reading the Bible difficult. It makes you flee prayer. It consumes you. It infiltrates your thoughts about people, activities, and motivations and then you suddenly see your words and actions taken control by the enemy forces. Flee my friend.

or as I tell my children - "find your control button!" (Johnny's pushes a little button on the top of his head!) - "turn your back to sin and flee from it!" (physically stand up and turn away from sin!)

I would like to write more on this later. (and recommend a few books as help)

a one of my favorite little people songs...
"This is the Day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it! This is the Day! This is the Day that the Lord has made!!!"

swimming.

2011-06-11T17:04:00.000-07:00

we have literally been swimming twice a day this week. What else is a 40 week pregnant woman going to do - besides actually having the baby, which is looking more and more like a June 15th activity!!

John and Benjamin are fish. Benjamin is swimming full pool lengths, diving for toys up to 8 feet down, and learning to do the side stroke and tread water. He really enjoys the water. Johnny took of this week! He can dive for toys in about 3 foot water, swim on top and underwater coming up for a breath. He is a bit too confident, so we are watching him carefully! He loves it to.

For me, swimming is a joy. I have always loved it and look forward to the hot days of summer just so I can be in a pool all day! :)

Father's Day Photo Shoot

2011-06-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

(guess i need to do one of these to include Joshua!!)... we will try that today!!!

Grape Vines.

2011-06-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things this time of year is our grape vines in the back yard. We seriously considered chopping them down when we bought the house, but so thankful we kept them: they provide wonderful retreat from the glaring sun, a cool place to play and sit, yummy grapes, and greenery!! Yeah for grape vines that grow rapidly and without much care!!!

and waiting...

2011-06-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

It seems Baby Boy Vincent number 3 isn't so eager to join us. Though I have been having contractions all week, he seems to be quite content growing bigger in his protected little womb.

My parents arrived Wednesday of this week. Joshua has been non stop with church events (wedding, meetings, college). I keep thinking things will slow down but it just gets crazier. June is packed full of BIG events and it totally exhausted me thinking about it!!! I have announced that I am not able to participate (hard for me to do, but I need to learn to say NO). We miss Joshua when he is working so many long hours & I hope he can make it to the delivery (J/K... he WILL be there!!).

Today hit 105 degrees. So, needless to say we have been in the pool everyday! Johnny has learned how to swim and he is SO PROUD of himself! It just happened all of a sudden. He is a little fish!! Benjamin has moved up in his swim lessons. He is now officially learning different strokes and can swim the length of the lesson pool (like swim team length)!! I am loving the water because of it's anti gravity affect on my body!!!

My favorite quotes of the week (in honor of their grandparents who are in town for a month)....
Benjamin: "Mommy, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think I am at Poppy's house. Then I realize I am not and I get sad!"

Benjamin: "Are Gaga and Poppy staying so long that I will get tired of them?"
Me: "Oh no hunny, you won't get tired of them!"
Benjamin: "Well, all I know is Aunt Jill was here a long long time. I got tired of her!" (you have to understand how much he addored his aunt Jill! So funny!!)

Me: "Johnny Bear who is your best friend in the whole world (expecting him to say Benjamin).
Johnny: "Gaga!"

the waiting...

2011-05-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

The Vincent family is getting ready for a new person to enter our lives. This is a frightening & exciting time...

The boys have mixed emotions. They are excited for their grandparents to arrive - probably much MORE excited about that than the thought of another baby. They are thrilled to have another boy, and often remind me of how out-numbered I will be! :) Oh joyful glee!!!

Johnny is thrilled beyond words!
Josh is scared of the lack of sleep (come on buddy, you don't really EVER get up with the bundle of cuteness... I think he has sympathy pains for me).
Benjamin doesn't enjoy change of any kind and he is so scared we will make him change stinky diapers that he cannot quite bring himself to talk joyfully of this new arrival.
I can't wait!! Yes, I find it hard to believe how many boys will be in my house (who wouldn't be nervous about that ratio). Plus, I am slightly worried about the fact that we have NO NAME for this guy!

We eagerly await your arrival baby boy! 15 more days!!!

2nd annual camping trip.

2011-05-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

travel about 1 1/2 hours north on interstate 17 and you will not only be 7600 feet above sea level, but in a place where trees grow, clouds form, and breezes are cold this time of year. our trip to the mountains was fabulous. no tv, no phones, no computer, no technology. just family (oh and 8 other families from our church).

I attempted sleeping in the tent. But at 38 weeks pregnant, 38 degrees as a low, and an air mattress that refused to hold the two of us, I opted for my dear friend's offer to sleep in her RV. The boys made it all night in the tent after snuggling with Daddy to get warm. Johnny was so comfortable that he actually slept in until about 9am. (yeah, wow!).

The kids followed the rules that the other "experienced" campers have established through the years, "Stay where you can see camp. If you can't see camp, DO NOT MOVE. We will find you!" They having one simple rule.

I did have a brief thought of, "that's it? what about rules concerning snakes, bears, stinging creatures, and other dangerous aspects of the wilderness?" But I decided to let them explore like the other children... and THEY HAD A BLAST. There is no place quite like the wilderness for boys to explore, dig, hike, shoot...etc... Here are a few pics!

"The Inmates Are Running the Asylum"...

2011-05-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

Parenting 101. - Check out this link written by Kevin DeYoung. I thought it was so great!!

More Cousin Pictures...

2011-05-09T22:27:00.001-07:00

Mud, water, & preschoolers.

2011-05-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

Brandt, Benjamin, & Johnny are simply the best of friends. The past 10 days have been nonstop & precious. Jill and I realized how our move to Phoenix has impacted these little lives more than we originally had thought. They really do miss each other!

Highlights of the trip:
* Brandt constantly falling asleep in the guest room closet.
* Johnny & Brandt waking up with the pure joy of discovering they were still able to play together all day long.
* Benjamin running by Aunt Jill's room saying, "Morning Aunt Jill!!!"
* Benjamin planning his trip to FL.
* The boys asking constantly to play in the MUD!

These guys are best friends...

2011-04-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am ever greatful for the two years my chidlren had living close to their cousin, brant! It established a bond that I hope and pray will last for years as dear friends. The utter joy on all the boys faces at the airport got smiles and laughter from many standing within a visible range - how could it not! They are stinking precious children who love one another SO MUCH!!!

Praise God for these sweet boys! I am so thankful they get this week together!! I am going to try to post a picture of day of their time together! (mainly for grandmother, poppy, and uncle rick!!)

Easter

2011-04-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

These pictures are actually from Palm Sunday. Easter Sunday hit me with complete exhaustion, so I was a bit slow in the photo department... oh well. :)

Here are a few pictures of the two cutest boys ever!!!

Though I am diurnal I resemble my crepuscular friend.

2011-04-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am a biologist (at least for fun!). Read on to learn more...

I have had about 27 rabbits in my lifetime. I am not sure if that suggests that I am a poor sustainer of life or a good Samaritan (in the rabbit world). My newest bunny lives in midst of prickly bushes in safety "outside" of my world just north of my living room bay windows that gleam with sunlight due to their lack of coverings (shades, blinds...). He seems like a happy fellow & I enjoy watching him. Poor little guy lost his babies to a dumb yellow cat that I was unable to ward off on time one morning! Cats are strange creatures. Not sure why he is a guy. Peter Rabbit might have influenced me.

Sometimes I think his crepuscular (this means awake/active at twilight & dawn) life appears so inviting. He eats. He hides. He eats. He hides. I don't think I would like the hiding part, or his overly anxious personality that stresses demands on his little heart, or the constant chewing; however, I think I could embrace the simplicity!! :)

I have begun waking up at dawn. Currently that is before 6am. I love it. My spot on the sofa gives me perfect few of our fountain, patio, and bunny world. The table beside me gives my coffee a nice resting place and most importantly my Bible gives my heart time with my Savior. It is quiet. It is good. Very good.

I see a number of parallels between me and my bunny. He gets frightened. I fear things like man (as in people), the unknown, failure. Coyotes come and try to gobble him up for lunch (i have chased one coyote & three cats away from his prickly bush). My heart gets attacked by sin of this world and I need my Shepherd to chase it away. He eats. I eat: having put on 30 lbs in 8 months (ok, i am pregnant but that is a LOT of weight... my babies love to make me fat!). He is still. I am learning to be still - especially in these early morning hours with my Shepherd & Creator!

So, I hope you have a place to watch the bunnies. It might be at night. It might be in your bed, or your hammock, or your car, or the shower. Find a place friend and be intimate with your Savior. It is good.

* a note to families in the ministry: It is easy to become very busy. I am very busy with "church happenings" like nursery coordinating...preschool teaching...saying "hello!"...making sure josh zips his fly (you think i am kidding... that is another story entirely)...keeping kids not only trained and disciplined, but loving & clean...helping my oldest sit through a service and learn to worship...it gets crazy!!! There is NOTHING that should take the place of mornings at my window with bunny (& my Bible of course).

This verse has touched my heart this week.

"For the Lord is good and his steadfast love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100:5

And the first face I saw this morning! My delight...

bedtime.

2011-04-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just want to scream, "JUST GO TO BED!!!" I am containing myself at the moment.

:) Gotta love this stage when you have two options:
1. they take a nap and stay up till 10pm.
2. they don't take a nap, get REALLY grouchy about 5pm. crash into bed without a word at 7pm.

Took at nap today! Regretting it at the moment. My three year old is looking at me saying, "my bed is cold. my bed is just not comfortable mommy!"

AAAHHHHH!!!!!

Nighty night.

Monday.

2011-04-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Today was beautiful. The boys and I jumped into our pool for the first time this year! We got a tad bit cold after a while, but it was refreshing & gave us a glimpse of summer fun yet to come!

Our pool is not in ground. I laugh every time I see it because I honestly cannot believe that we have that big blue piece of plastic up in our yard. However, when the temperatures rise above 100 we get desperate to be outside without melting, so the water is fantastic!! :)

I found this picture of the boys and was astonished at how much they have grown in one year! This was our trip down to the coffee shop near our house about this time last year! :)

grapefruit picnic & a bit of honesty.

2011-04-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

The beautiful weather complimented the multitude of families & friends hanging out on the lawn at church today. It was lovely how much fun the kids all had, running around, half eating their food, and joyfully enjoying the fellowship of their buddies. The teens in our church are inclusive with the young ones which helps promote such a warm and congenial atmosphere.

I had to laugh at my own attitude this afternoon. It began sweet and ended in a mixture of something that resembled a grapefruit - not sweet, not bitter, but a tad bit of both! You must first remember that i am the wife of a pastor... let's be honest, no class at seminary can truly prepare you for that role. :)

It began post service, after running to my car twice (once to change my shoes and the second to put the boys in shorts and deliver our arm fulls of crafts and paperwork from Sunday school). I was standing in line chatting with friends, attempting to keep Johnny from pulling on my dress in such as way that I flashed my backside to all members waiting for their meal behind us in line, and I realized I had no idea where my husband was. Glancing far in the distance I saw him talking to people, walking a few feet in my direction, and then talking to a few more people. It seemed they appeared to be approaching him from all sides and he couldn't get more than a few feet before someone else approached him. My thoughts were sweet towards him and his great responsibility as senior pastor of this church.

Looking to my right across the lawn I noticed a fragile elderly lady trying to balance her plates of dinner & cake as she fumble in her purse to locate her keys. All I could think was, "hip fracture waiting to happen & wow, i bet she really misses HER husband!" Plus she reminded me SO much of my darling grandmother that I felt totally convicted to run and help her! Maybe I should have walked!! Abandoning my place in line I ran, with sweet johnny cheerfully tagging along behind me, down the short embankment and diagonally over the grass. Suddenly I was face to face with the luscious green blanket, haven fallen forward. I gasped. Did my dress swoop over my head exposing my lovely undergarments to half the congregation?? hope not! Was my rather pregnant self injured? don't think so. Precious Hena, who calls me Lady Cari because I remind her of Princess Diana, ran to my rescue! We have some of the kindest people in our church & i love them so much!

I made it to Miss. Betty as she was opening her door. She had managed to balance the dinner plate on the trunk and the cake plate on the hood. No broken bones. She actually felt horrible for me, having crashed landed to aid her! :)

I returned to the line. Pride bruised. Thankful.

My glances for Joshua were now getting a bit more tangy & not so sweet. I prayed that God would give me patience and rest my weary heart as it ached for a bit of help! Was this what I signed up for? Yes. I thought as I looked around at the people of Trinity. Yes.

The thought was fleeting and I dismissed my tangy tinge of jealously as my friends had their spouses grabbing napkins and coordinating their children's plates like a dance. Mine didn't look for poetic & beautiful!!

I made it through the food line minus one hot dog (to the floor), a few tears from my eldest (over the downed hot dog), and some quiet prayers (to pace my racing heart & control my ever increasing frustration over this loneliness). EEERRR that tangy taste was getting bitter. I could feel it.

I am thankful for a Savior who gives peace, which He so graciously grated to me as I sat down on the green meadows of our church commons and reflected on what a great shepherd my King is to his sheep! I reminded myself of his promises (something I have been doing a lot lately) and was joined shortly by a handsome and kind pastor - my husband. :)

I encourage you pastor's wives out there - it is a good and faithful service. You are not balancing your plates for no reason. You are not falling in the grass, and chasing after three year olds alone at Sunday picnics for no reason. You are not sharing his affections on this day, and many days for no reason... Look to the cross my dear wives in the ministry because it is a great source of hope and eternal perspective. This is a good work!

May your thoughts be more sweet than bitter!!!

My morning smiles today!

2011-04-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

Pigs in a Blanket... kids in towels...

2011-04-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

Here a few shots that speak for themselves. The boys and I decided to make lunch after playing in the flooded yard - oh so much fun to run through water as the yard floods every two weeks (our form of irrigation).

The menu was pigs in a blanket, apples, carrots, and milk. YUMMY! They wrapped their own pigs and ate them up like little piggies!

I am hoping for nap time today! :)

a glimpse of our Wednesdays.

2011-04-13T22:16:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays are long. Wednesdays are good!

We start our day at Women's Bible Study = 9am.
Joshua drops Benjamin at school = 9:15am.
Bible Study ends = 11:30am.
Pick Benjamin up from school = 12pm.
Rush home to eat lunch, run around outside a bit = 1pm.
Read books in bed and attempt to nap (which most of the time works on wed) = 4pm
Wake kids up, get coffee, & go to church for dinner = 5pm
Teach preschool class = 6:30pm
Clean up from preschool class and retreat to car = between 8:30-9:00pm
Say Hi to Joshua at the college group and go home = 9pm.
Arrive home = 9:30pm.
CRASH

I have learned that if I splurge for a cup of coffee from Starbucks on the way to church it really keeps me rocking until bedtime. :)

Teach them to be friends.

2011-04-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

I once read about the importance of making sure you teach your children to be friends. I decided to embrace it with my boys from the beginning.

Here are a few ways I like to encourage their friendship...

Everyday we mention that a brother is your best friend for your whole life (we actually talk about cousins in similar way)! We thank God for this gift! The boys are so excited that they get another best friend in June!!

Have them tell each other "I love you!" often and in a meaningful way.

Make sure that their siblings are always first on the birthday friend invite list. Their best friend should be on that list (no matter the age difference). No matter what!

Make going to the siblings "functions" (swim lessons, t-ball, soccer, preschool events...) a priority. We support our brothers & take joy in their triumphs!!

Encourage them to have fun together.

It is amazing how fallen we are due to sin. You can witness this in a very young child. Begin teaching your children that they are sinners in need of a Savior. Teach humility.

Help them learn to get along regardless of their differences in personality and interests. Teach them how God made them different and that is a good thing!!! :)

Don't put up with fighting, yelling, hitting, or anything that causes distension in their sibling relationships. I have seen so many families allow fighting between siblings as if it is a standard with which they have no control. Don't tolerate it! (i know it happens in your home as it does in our... so teach your kids that it is sin and they shoudl run from those kind of heart attitudes and actions)

On going to Walmart, Soldiers, and Moments to remember.

2011-04-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

There is something in the air at Walmart. You know how Disney sprays good smells into the air to entice you to buy popcorn, ice cream, or coffee? (they really do that) Well, I have a theory that Walmart pumps in chemicals into the air that make children act like little monsters!

Seriously, I have never seen my children get quite as disruptive as on a trip to Walmart. It is terrible.

My theory suggests that when your children are: standing the cart, running and hiding in the racks, yelling, laughing hysterically, ect... your judgement is dispelled by pure fear that you have suddenly become "ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!"

That fear of total embarrassment (& understanding that your children are being incredible disobedient to your calm voice) causes you to do one of two things: abandon the cart and retreat for further discipline in the car OR just buy random things and not exercise correct reasoning skills while purchasing. Walmart's secret goal is the later. Often times it works!!

I hate going to Walmart.

We had an incident last week that changed my mind... at least for a few moments. While standing in the tools section with child singing "twinkle, twinkle little star" quite loudly I noticed a second voice join in. Looking to my left I noticed an older man, probably in his 90's, scooting down the isle in his go-kart type cart. He was singing with Benjamin. We struck up a conversation. Mostly him talking to the boys and the boys asking him questions. They are not hesitant to question boldly! At one point the gentleman told the boys he was an old soldier.

"How can you be a soldier?" Benjamin asked kindly, "You are in that wheelchair!"

Good thought. Slightly embarrassing.

"Well," said the man patiently, "being a soldier put me in this chair! Have you ever heard of World War II?"

"You were a soldier in WWII?" Asked my inquisitive oldest.

"Yes! You could be soldier too one day."

"Oh on thank you!" Said Benjamin plainly, "Soldiers die in war. And I don't think I want to do that right now!"

"What is the on your arm?" asked Johnny Bear. Touching the mans arm gently. "How did you get those boo boos?"

"Well, have you heard of the atomic bomb? Those marks on my arms are radiation damage from a bomb. I was in the 82nd airborne and had to drop bombs on the Japan."

Our conversation got even more interesting from there. Seeing that over 1100 WWI vets die each day, I felt honored to talk to this kind man and to have my boys thank him for his service!

New Logic Board.

2011-04-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

I need a new logic board.

Ok, actually my computer received a new one yesterday - but I couldn't help thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it be great to just go into the genius bar at the Mac store and get a new logic board for my person!"

I could use one!

Couldn't we all use one now and then though.

I have been reading Romans and Genesis in the mornings as I look out my front window at baby bunnies hiding in the palms (& a stupid cat hunting them), and it has been a joy to my soul.

(and more on that later...)

So, for us who need a new logic board - go to the scriptures and seek rest from your Master Creator. I am daily refreshed!

Entertaining on a budget.

2011-04-03T17:40:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely dinner party the other night with friends from church. I am making it a goal to have people in my home more and it is a refreshing and joyful thing to engage in. I love doing it, but the entire process of preparation totally stresses me out. Nervousness fills my thoughts that it won't go well... and that has really kept me from entertaining for a while now. I am getting over the idea of perfecting being a hostess & just being myself!! It is totally worth it! I think it is essential to have people in your home at some level, because it allows for deepening of relationships and wonderful Christian fellowship outside of church.

It can get costly at times. Here is a menu that ranks in the "cheep" department & provides your own family with a few extra meals after the actual event.

Chicken, Rice, Veggies!

Rice: can't get much cheaper than rice. And who doesn't love it!!! :)

Chicken: Whole Chickens often go on sale! I bought four chickens (more than I needed) for the party at 77 cents a pound. That is a 6 lb chicken for about 5 dollars. WOW! I roasted the chicken whole & then Joshua carved it for everyone. There was quite a bit of chicken left over, so I used it to make broth, a huge pot of chicken soup, & two chicken/rice casseroles. Yes, TWO! (used the left over rice for this).

Veggies: I roasted Veggies (green beans, zucchini, & carrots) with olive oil and cheese. Yummy! OH SO GOOD! You could really use any veggie on sale!

* I added a few other things, but they were not needed! Appetizers, salad, and bread.

John William, Jon-Jon, Johnny, Johnny Bear, John...

2011-03-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday my Sweet Boy!

Johnny entered this world on March 17, 2008. He was 9 lbs. Yes, 9 lbs. Johnny is named after some very special people:

John:

John E Brandt III: my father. If you know my father then you totally understand why our son carries his name. When I think of my Dad here are a few things that come to mind: leader, godly, kind, patient... attributes we pray Johnny will look up to and imitate.

William: This name is rich in history! We initially planned on calling Johnny - John William - because we wanted him to bear both names due to the people who he is named after. This might be his common name again one day and I hope so!!

William Thomas Vincent: Joshua's Dad. Mr. Tommy LOVES his grandchildren. He is kind and gentle with them & always makes them feel treasured! Our boys adore him!
William Nettles "Doc": Doc is like an fabulous uncle to our family! He has been a mentor and Spiritual leader to Joshua for many years & has a special place in our hearts. REALLY wish we lived closer to this Godly family, but are thankful for their faraway influence and wisdom!
William Kynes "Will": Another William who lives way to far away (far across the ocean in fact), but he continues to be one of joshua's dearest friends! He is one of the first people joshua wants to "talk" things over with. A dear friend and source of companionship during seminary - there were many late nights spent in prayer & discipleship between these two! His sharp mind constantly seeks wisdom from his Creator & we are eager to see what God does with his many gifts!

Though Johnny is named after these great men, Johnny is an individual created by God. Johnny is a treasure. I am thankful everyday for the way God created him and the wonderful attributes I see in him daily - he is kind, tough, sensitive, laid back, active, brave, fearless, loving, coordinated, likable, intelligent, articulate...

He loves his big brother more than anything (ok, maybe his mommmy). Johnny gives the best hugs, is not scared of anything (this can be good and bad), is beautiful, and has so many great characteristics! He is captivated by pirates, knights, and castles. He loves going shopping with me on Monday mornings (we go to the thrift store) & now he finds things and says, "wow, cool mommy look at what I found! You have to see this mommy!!" Johnny is not a complainer. He has a hard time leaving his brother & he would jump through hoops for his favorite friend and cousin - Brandtksy Man! He is totally excited to meet his little brother!!! Praise God for these boys in my life. They are a joy and I love them to pieces!!

Vacation part II

2011-03-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

So we are all now quite sick with the flu (cold one, not stomach one) & thinking that it is not a fun way to spend our weekend without responsibilities (joshua did not have to preach). We are greatful for a few days away though & time to recover now that we are home! :)

Here are a few more pictures. One of our favorite evenings was heading over to Coronado Island! The boys went crazy at the beach and after multiple convincing pleas they dabbled their feet (and tummies) in the frigid waters of the Pacific! :)

Disneyland! We decided last minute to trek to the north about 1/5 hours to Disneyland. We were even more convinced that this was a right thing to do when our friend Jordan got us into the parks for free through her internship program! (it would have cost about 400 or more dollars for ONE DAY!!! THAT is so totally amazing to me... guess that is why Disney is a 77 billion dollar business). Disneyland is quite different from the park I grew up going to - Disney World. Also, I kept referring to it as Magic Kingdom and people had no idea what I was talking about!! The Castle was tiny, the people were not as friendly, and the place didn't seem as magical to me, but when I began to see how cool some of the differences were I got a great appreciation for this park. It is possible that our kids had more fun going on the ships in the San Diego Harbor... but hey, that is just our kids!!! :)

Vacation Family Time.

2011-03-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

We decided last minute to take a vacation to California. The week began on Sunday afternoon with a lovely drive along the Mexico/Arizona border! I have to admit it was strange having check points where our car was sniffed by drug dogs leashed by armed guards, but the drive was scenic and beautifully diverse.

The highlight of the week was a visit to a Maritime Museum on the San Diego Bay (after Benjamin begged for two days to have a "boat day"!! Two submarines, three sail boats, and a bundle of other nautical memorabilia occupied our entire family for the whole morning (plus a SECOND visit before we retired for the night)! IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!

visit with the Brandts.

2011-03-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

As a mother it is a pure joy to see your children love their grandparents. Our kids LOVE family! I am sure part of this simply stems involved relatives who love them! They are blessed little kids who feel loved and adored by many aunts, uncles, and of course grandparents!!

My parents came out a few weeks ago to visit with us while joshua was away on business! As you can see we had lots to do - work, work work... play, play, play!! I have lots to write, but it is nap time & i must retreat to my nice quiet room!!

helping a grieving friend.

2011-03-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

Skimming through friends blogs i came across this post by Molly Piper! I do not know her personally, but I thought this post was helpful... She writes this as she experiences the grieving loss of her infant daughter...

10 Tips for Bringing Meals to a Grieving Friend
How to Help Your Grieving Friend, Part 10

When we lost Felicity, we had a lot of meal help from friends and family. I learned a few things from the people serving me about how to serve others—with food.

1. BRING MEALS!

It is essential, really. Bringing meals is a profound ministry to the hurting. Your friend’s mind is otherwise engaged and simply cannot sequence the steps for making a meal.

2. Organize the meals so she doesn’t have to.

Ideally, one person (not the griever) is coordinating meals immediately after the loss. If the grieving person has to coordinate what days they’re going to get a meal, who it’s coming from, what time it’s arriving, etc., that’s just as much work as trying to make meals herself. If there is no meal coordinator, volunteer!

3. Stagger the times that you bring meals.

Depending on the size of the family, meals may only be necessary every other day or even every third day. Because of leftovers, one meal often provides for two days of eating.

4. Bring a frozen meal.

As many of you know after a death, there’s often no shortage of food. A frozen meal can be set aside for when it’s most convenient. You can even organize your small group to bring a whole batch of frozen meals if they have an extra freezer (make sure first!). These come in handy a couple months down the road when the organized meals are over, and a particularly hard day/week comes.

5. Make sure everyone doesn’t bring the same thing.

Soup and lasagna are the most common meals to bring because they taste so good, they’re the easiest to make, and they travel well. But make sure they haven’t received a bunch of those already (talk to the meal organizer about that).

6. Should I stay or should I go? Yes.

When you bring a meal, feel the situation out for whether or not you should linger. They might want you to stick around and talk, but if you think not, it’s perfectly acceptable to drop it off and get going.

7. Don’t count on commiserating.

You’re bringing a meal because of their loss, but they might not want to feel that loss with you right then. Just before dinner might not be a good time for “a moment.”

8. Deliver dinner in dishes you don’t need back.

Always provide a meal in containers that don’t need to be returned to you. Having to keep track of 9×13′s and serving bowls is too much work. It requires the organizational effort that we’re trying to avoid.

9. Tell them not to thank you.

Make sure they know that you don’t need a thank you note. You can even go as far as telling them that you’ll actually be bothered if they take the time to write you a note.

10. It’s never too late to bring a meal.

Most of you probably don’t know anyone who lost a loved one so recently that meals are still being organized for them. But you do probably know someone who endured a loss six, seven, twelve months ago. I can almost guarantee that if you called and asked to bring dinner this week, you’d bless their oven mitts off. It’s never too late.

Maybe some of you have been meal organizers or have had meals brought to you–what things have you found helpful? Any other tips you want to share?

(Read other posts in this series.)
Addendum, added 5/15/2008

Many of the comments from this post were so helpful and practical that I just had to put them at the end here so that other readers could more easily access them. So here we go:

* Gift cards!
* Take them out to eat (McDonald’s can be a fine option if young kids are involved).
* The meal coordinator should alert those bringing meals about any dietary restrictions, allergies, and food preferences.
* Meal coordinators should give a reminder phone call
* If you don’t have the means or availability to make a whole meal, bring something else, like some tea or a small plate of cookies. It’s about letting them know you’re thinking of them.
* Take a shipment of paper products and plastic utensils over to them so that clean-up is mindless too.

And one of my favorite quotes came from jamsco, who said, “Meals are a gift from God through the human giver.” Perfect!

Ouch. Images from the Desert.

2011-03-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

We live in a land filled with things that stick, prick, pinch, sting, burn, itch... but the beauty among it's harshness is magnificent!!

Life is a Roller Coaster

2011-02-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

This is Benjamin's first (and last) roller coaster adventure! So precious & completely terrified little boy!

"Pickles & Honey"- gotta love God's care for his children!

2011-02-15T19:11:00.001-08:00

I have attached a new link on my side bar - One Step At A Time Please join me as i follow my dear friends Adam & Mary M's new life overseas. I love this excerpt from their first post in a forgein land! Love you guys...

Every day both Adam and I try to have some adventures in language and culture. For me today, there are two! First, I ventured to the Walmart (yes, Walmart!) with both girls in the sit-n-stand. Definitely got a lot of looks and was thankful to have been able to hang on to the stroller on the escalator ramp, but we had a really good time. I managed to communicate with some folks and the girls had many admirers. The coolest thing that happened though was that Katie had requested to purchase pickles and honey while we were out. Hm...wasn't sure I was going to be able to come through on that one, but I told her we'd give it a shot. So we get to the grocery aisles and I look up and (I am not kidding) one of the aisle signs says IN ENGLISH "Pickles" "Honey." Are you kidding? I told Katie to never forget that because (I believe) it was the Lord's way of telling her, "Katie, I love you, I am here with you, and I care about you very much." How cool is that?

eternal perspective & my professional life.

2011-02-15T15:55:00.001-08:00

i am sitting at Starbucks with decaf passion tea brightly gleaming on my table while trying to catch up on continuing education in pediatric occupational therapy. i haven't started it yet. :) i cannot help but think about my time spent in graduate school. so long ago. 9 years ago. so so long ago.

i am thankful for my education. i love it in fact. i studied biology for my BS - which has been not only useful in helping me think critically but also in enriching my life and the lives of my children as we learn and discover God's greatness through his creation. i love teaching my boys about science.

my graduate degree is in Occupational Therapy (no I will not help you find a JOB, or help you to be happy in your job, or help you get along with the miserable people you work with!!). So what is an occupational therapist??

"The therapeutic use of work, self-care, and play activities to increase development and prevent disability. It may include adaptation of task or environment to achieve maximum independence and to enhance the quality of life." - American Occupational Therapy Association

And though i am currently not working (first time really since i was 15... or first time as an OT since graduating in 2003) i enjoy reading and keeping up with my profession. i am good at it. not perfect, but good. i love my profession. my occupation as a mother has far greater rewards, though often they are not externally gratifying. they are more internal, heart felt, Christ centered rewards. i remind myself of this as I strive to keep an eternal perspective through the monotony of what embodies the everyday life changing of diapers, wiping of noses, teaching life skills, and sowing seeds that are OH SO SIGNIFICANT! My dear mothers, do not forget your job is vital! It is eternal. It is good work!

i have contemplated going back to work as an OT a bit. a few days a month or even one day a week. for someone who thrives on alone time, i found that even the drive to and from work (listening to NPR... yes liberal, but very informative and interesting) gave me time alone in a way that kept me sane. a recalibrating of my MO or something. :) but for now, i have my hands full with two boys and a busy life.

so here i sit in Starbucks for a few hours with my tea reading about something i love - helping people do what they want and need to do... the job if living!! Yeah for Occupational Therapy and passion tea!

Valentine Family Day.

2011-02-14T21:22:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day 2011.

6:00am : i awoke early with an extra bundle of cuteness in my bed... Benjamin. at some point in the night he stood quietly next to my bed and requested permission to come aboard what most be the most popular resting place in the house as of late - our bed. his snores are not tamed and tend to grow in volume in the early hours of the morning.

6:15am: i decided to get a jump start in the Kitchen this morning. finished the small packages of treats and hearts i had purchased for my smallest valentines. then i decided to run to the store before the gang arose to gather some goodies for breakfast - bacon - this is a very rare and special treat in our home. yummy!! Johnny quietly joined my on my sunrise shopping venture.

7:15am: i was totally amazed at how early the kids in our neighborhood wait for the bus! as i entered the store i was again in awe of how many men shop for flowers and candy at 7:20am on V-Day. come on guys... you know it is coming right after the 13th!!

7:35am: bacon cooking. boys thrilled with the idea of eating Candy and bacon for breakfast. (why not?).

8:00am: glance in the mirror. opps, i forgot to brush my hair prior to going shopping. (at least i remembered a bra and shoes!)

8:45am: on our way to preschool. hair brushed. chit & chat must live in the back seat of my car. wow they can talk. (just the other day while driving in the car Benjamin informed me he will be having 47 kids. some will be his own, some will be adopted. he said i can take them places as long as i don't loose them. i can't take them to Disney though because he wants to do that. and i must make them pick up after themselves when they stay at my house. and do lots of chores to teach them how to work hard.) johnny has his sweat shirt hood on... too cute.

9:10am: realize it is chapel day at preschool (the parents have to attend). AARRRR. i don't really want to go to chapel but i muster up the smile and enjoy it. looking around i am amazed at the other kids valentine boxes. really?? wow!! there were LEGO boxes, buzz light year boxes, monster boxes. oh my, i wonder what K will be like?! johnny still has hood up on his sweat shirt.

9:25am: benjamin to his class. excited about candy. johnny still has hood on.

9:45am: joshua and i rent a carpet steamer. coupon found to save a few bucks. begin moving furniture. Hood still on my youngest. :)

12pm: pick up little boy extremely ready to eat his candy. enjoy display of generosity as B gives J a big bag of Candy! :)

1pm: Yard is flooded. Boys run in water with underwear only. entertained for about 2 hours. J and i begin steaming. amazed at how dirty our carpets are.

bla bla bla bla... why am i writing all of this?? we had a great day together. Benjamin informed me at some point that we are not supposed to work on Valentine's Day! :) Well, we did and it was good.

I totally LOVE my family!!

Prayers of a 4 year old.

2011-02-01T21:27:00.000-08:00

Today at lunch we were talking about how to pray. The ACTS model of prayers is quite helpful to use ourselves as well as teach our young ones!

Adoration.

Confession.

Thanksgiving.

Supplication.

I was trying to teach Benjamin that not only do we need to be thankful to God for things, but we can also go him with our needs. My sweet four year old followed this discussion by praying this...

"Please keep mommy safe when she has her baby so she doesn't get hurt or sick."

Lovely.

missed call...loving friend.

2011-02-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

While driving today in the car I noticed a missed call on my phone from a 502 number. Knowing full well that 502 is KY, i jumped at the chance to call it back hoping it was a dear girl who had been on my mind most of the day Monday. AND IT WAS!!! Yeah for friends who call at random times and our Lord who gives us such blessings!

Mary and I met 6 years ago about this time. Both were newly married and beginning Seminary with our hubbies, recently moved to KY, and struggling with our identify and faithfulness during the time of great transition. We bonded.

The first thing I remember about Mary was her sweet smile and wrist watch. The watch stood out to me because it reminded me of my friends' overseas who loved adventure and varied cultures - they always donned watches similar to that one. She also spoke kindly and wore about three pony tail holders on her left wrist next to the black banded watch. Why I noticed these things I am not sure, but I did.

On our first outing as "friends" we met at a local Frankfort Ave coffee shop on a cold, probably rainy, Feb night in Louisville. She arrived with her worn Bible, duct taped notebook, and grand smile. Her conversation was one I had rarely experienced among ladies in their twenties - Christ centered and transparent. very transparent.

Over the past four years we have tagged teamed phone calls, sent emails, and lifted one another in prayer. How I am thankful for the sweet words that have flowed at me in humble and quiet tones for over 6 years now! I will miss them SO MUCH! I knew today that those calls would be farther apart - as her mighty Creator prepares to send her to a foreign land to do his good works.

When I ended the call I blinked tears from my eyes. I was sad.
& Thankful & joyful - knowing what a GOOD GOD we serve! I love you dear friend! :)

soccer mom... among other things.

2011-01-29T19:55:00.000-08:00

today was monumental. i drove in my mini van to the local park's soccer fields and with two blond cuties holding soccer balls i grasped tightly to my iced coffee and took a deep breath. "how did i get here?" i am 30 something. you know like that show we used to watch and say, "those old married people who gripe about stupid things and forget to brush their hair.. i am never being like that." then as if i just woke up and found myself pregnant, married, and regretting that i did not have one those handy dandy little chairs with the cup holders (i get it now... yes, they are ugly, but quite functional) at the soccer fields. it was totally fun!!

the other frightening thing is that my oldest is on his way to Kindergarten. we drive by the school he will more than likely attend and i am flooded with a mix of emotions. kindergarten? those kids used to seem like giants to me when i worked in KY as a therapist. now i have one. "Drive by the SCHOOL?" you might be thinking? "I thought Joshua was a pastor?" Yes, joshua is still in the ministry and we are still lovers of Christ, but we have also pretty much decided that our kids will GO to school outside of the home.

there are many fears i have associated with sending my kids to school... "Will it ruin them? Will my friends think that I am not a wonderful & loving mother? What if he hates it? Am i missing out on a great times with my kids because I am not homeschooling?"
then i evaluate my guilt in light of the TRUTH of the Bible & I realize this is an area where i have freedom to make a choice. and I tell myself, "throw out that false guilt my dear!" reminders like that are helpful to someone who tends to error on the side of pleasing others...

why not homeschool? We might one day decide to homeschool our kids. that is definitely not out of the question. at this point i feel that it is not in the best interest of our family, particularly me as a mother and wife. i love teaching my kids in an informal way. we are constantly reading, discovering things about science, building, playing, planting...i take more of the Montessori approach in daily life! I work hard at keeping structure in our home when it comes to obedience, choirs, teaching the kids about Jesus, memorizing scripture, family worship...
inadequate mother, glorious savior.

Florida. Good to see you again.

2011-01-15T19:26:00.000-08:00