roller coaster.

I feel like i am trapped on a roller coaster ride. With lots of up and down and scarey drops. Sometimes it has a wonderful view, but I tend to hold my breath for fear of what is next. that is the truth.

Benjamin: "Mommy, I am snuggling with you because I love you and because you don't have any hair on your head!"

Johnny: "I love you Mommy." (like 100 times a day totally out of the blue)

update:
It is a strange feeling to have your hair fall out. Initially I did not think it would bother me too much, but as the process (yes, it is a process because it happens quite slowly - at least in my case) progresses I realized how difficult it really is. It started last week. I noticed my hair on everything. Then when I brushed it or ran my hand through it it would just come out. Big Clumps. By Saturday it was very thin but there was enough hair to put a hat on and look like I had hair. Today I woke up horrified by my appearance and decided to sheer it off. I figure I had clipped many horses manes back in the day and this would be a cinch! OK, it was easier on my horse!!! I didn't know how difficult it was to clip your own hair so I woke up josh very early and just said, "i need your help!" poor guy. So at 6:15am I shaved my head with my best buddy! It was horrible and funny all at the same time. :)

Later this afternoon I had to go back to the imaging center. My MRI from last week found another spot in the OTHER breast that they wanted to biopsy. UGH!!! I was very anxious all morning... I love this imaging center and the radiologist there has been fabulous - even calling me personally to check in on a few occasions! (seriously who does that??).

So, I go in today, about a month from my first visit. Now I WAS a cancer patient. I looked around at the poor ladies sitting there in their little gowns with two tiny buttons at the top. Faces filled with horror as they waited... I know those nerves - poor things. Then they see me walk in - a bald young CANCER patient and I am sure their heart just jumped into their throats. I felt bad for them seeing me. I felt so bad! But I just smiled and tried to not feel weird! What do you do??

Anyway, the good news it I did not need the biopsy. The ultra sound did not reveal anything to biopsy. YEAH! (happy for the little things these days). Test are hard. You never know what they will reveal! sigh.

I have been told a number of times that I am having everything but the kitchen sink thrown at me - in terms of treatments! I know that. I feel that. This chemo gets a bit harder with each round. 2 DOWN, 6 to GO! Come one give me the kitchen sink... i can handle that too!!!!!

So, how is your heart? (a question i learned at Third Ave Baptist Church). Some days not so good. Other days good. All days filled with peace that only He can provide. Thankful for my great Comforter!!