Things you should never say to a cancer patient.

Sometimes things happen i life that leave us wordless. You what I mean. Those incidences that are so difficult or incredible that you don't have words that fit the situation. Sometimes it is best to say nothing or as little as possible.

There are also those "foot in mouth" moments that are a familiar theme in my life. In retrospect you can laugh.

Here are some of my own personal FOOT IN MOUTH moments:
Upon moving into the dorms as a transfer student in college I encountered a HUGE embarrassing moment that later because a great source of laughter and memories! My new college roommate was a wonderful girl from Chicago who traveled down to FL with her entire family (mom, dad, two brothers, two sisters). They were all moving her into the dorms so we had all been hanging out throughout the day! Sheri was short, dark skinned, & dark haired. Her siblings were about as dutch as you could find: tall, blond, fair skinned. That night we were in our bunk beds chatting when I decided to broach the subject of their apparent different looks. I said very frankly, "wow Sheri! I have seen families that look nothings alike, but you REALLY REALLY REALLY look NOTHING like your family. I mean they are tall, you are short. They are blond, you are not. They have such light skin, and you are dark skinned (AT THIS POINT I SHOULD HAVE USED MY BRAIN AND FIGURED IT OUT, RIGHT??). NOPE. I kept talking. Finally after my long dialogue of stupidity Sheri gently and quietly said, "Cari, I am adopted." silence. "oh, good night Sheri." And that my friends was the start of a very dear relationship part of which was laughter over my hilarious stupidity and uncontrolled monologue that night. (FYI: Sheri lost a battled with cancer at the young age of 31. I miss her so so much!!)

Another college "moment" was my freshman year. A few of us girls were in the dorm room hanging out. We were talking about movies and such. I started quoting the line from the totally obnoxious movie Uncle Buck. There was a lady in the movie with a HUGE hairy mole on her face. One of the other characters said to her, "why don't take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat knaw that thing off your face?!" Well i was laughing and laughing about it. Then my roommate looked at me with big eyes and I realized that one of the girls had a huge mole on her chin. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!

We have ALL done it. If you don't think you have. You are wrong. You totally have! :)

So this brings us to Things you should never say to a cancer patient... (especially a greenie just off the starting line). What they said. What I said. & What I really wanted to say!!!! (if you have said these things to me I LOVE YOU TO PIECES & just think about how much you have made me laugh in retrospect). I am not showing much grace here... just so funny!

- What they said: Well, at least it is not in your lymph nodes.
What I said: silence. smile. "Well, we are taking this one day at a time."
What I wanted to say: It is in my lymph nodes you idiot. Thanks for making me what to go ahead and hurl myself out in front of a passing truck!

- What they said: For as sick as you are you sure look good.
What I said: Thanks. That is so sweet of you!
What I wanted to say: My Hair is about to fall out; my nails will look like ridgy ridgerson & might dislodge themselves from the fingers; my skins will feel like sand; AND My boobs are about to be cut off!!! Just check in with me in a few months. :)

- What they said: I had a friend who died of that. It is ok. I am sure you will make it.
What I said: Yes. We are hopeful.
What I wanted to say: Sigh. cry. Sigh. cry a little more.

- What they said: OH CARI!!! (tears tears tears) (more wailing & weeping). silence. (more tears and crying).
What I said: silence. It is ok. We will fight this and trust in a good God. (me comforting them. strange.)
What I wanted to day: "CLICK" as I hang up the phone. :)

- What they said: Are you sure it isn't just a clogged duct?
What I said: Yes. Unfortunately we are pretty sure it is not a clogged duct.
What I wanted to say: Yes biopsies, mammograms, and ultra sounds can differentiate milk ducts from cancer.

- What they said: How did this happen?
What I said: Cancer is unpredictable and has no distinction of race, age, or gender.
What I wanted to say: Really? Maybe you should have just hugged me and said nothing.

- What they said: Whatever you do DON'T get chemotherapy! There are lots of natural ways to cure cancer.
What I said: silence. mouth open. realize mouth open and decide comment needed. "well, that is definitely something to consider."
What I wanted to say: You first.


Laughter. A very good medicine indeed.