The scoop.

update: sorry for the long delay in posting. My energy (what there is of it) has been channeled into four boys over the past few days. Man we have had fun! The weather has been quite magnificent so we have been pouring our afternoon hours into bike rides, playing basketball in the front yard, and decorating for Fall (with scary stuff incorporated fully). This entire situation (the "C") would be much harder without my precious boys... Johnny always wants to make me a shake (SHAKEOLOGY) because he says it is "very important to make me feel better." Benjamin gives me extra kisses. Jack has no clue what is going on, which is nice. He loves me just because i am his mommy. That boy is an extra special GIFT from GOD! What perfect timing my little Jack, just perfect timing.

It is hard to know how to pray in front of my boys. We pray that God will heal me, but I worry about the tender hearts of my boys, knowing that I might NOT be healed. I might be. But I might NOT be. Oh how I want to protect their little hearts. (i pray silently: "Please God let them keep their mommy for many years but if not than please change their heart to LOVE you.). Our family devotions have been precious. The prayers sweet. The songs drenched with joyful noise to our Lord and Savior!

The Scoop on my Cancer:
Many of you may be wondering "the scoop" on my cancer. Some of you might not be. I think it is important to understand that cancer is different for everyone. Breast cancer is different for everyone. I am not a statistic and I am not going to live by the statistics. (i do not know my statics for survival at this point. i have not been staged yet either).

I have infiltrating ductal carcinoma. This accounts for over 80% of all breast cancer. I have one large mass (which brought me to the Doctor) and one small mass (found via ultrasound). I have one lymph node involved in the axially region (under the arm). I might have more than one, but at this time that is all they found on ultra-sound. A lymph node dissection will be done at the time of surgery, which will determine how many are involved (or have cancer).

The PET scan indicated that the cancer is somewhat isolated. I say somewhat because we know it is in lymph system, which means it could be "floating" around. (hence the need for chemo quickly). It is still considered metastatic breast cancer because of my lymph node involvement.

Hormone Positive. My tumor is hormone receptor positive. It is fed by estrogen & progesterone. Hence it's rapid growth during pregnancy and post pardum.

HER2 Negative: Ner2/nue is a gene that sends control signals to your cells, telling them to grow, divide, and make repairs. A healthy breast cell has 2 copies of the HER2 gene. Some kinds of breast cancer get started when a breast cell has more than 2 copies of that gene, and those copies start over-producing the HER2 protein. As a result, the affected cells grow and divide much too quickly

TREATMENT:
Chemotherapy for four months. I go in on Monday every two weeks. I feel "OK" the first two days. Day three is hard because my entire body hurts SO BAD! Nausea comes and goes, especially in the evening. I had about two days where I couldn't do much of anything. One week out my bones started hurting - really bad! My hair will fall out. Nails will get weak and weird.

Mastectomy with reconstruction will be scheduled for January. (probably would be double)

Radiation to the chest wall will follow surgery for 6 weeks. It will be everyday for 6 weeks. (UGH!!)

Plastic surgery and reconstruction will follow.

HONESTLY:
The evenings are the hardest. It is quiet. I am still. It is hard to be calm and think about TODAY without my brain jumping to tomorrow. This verse has been in my mind often. When we were in seminary our Pastor taught Matthew on Wed nights. I can still hear his voice reading this verse... over and over again. It is comforting in more ways than I can explain: Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?* And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.